• I came home crying again today because I started another fight with Ryan.

    Ryan has been my best friend since first grade and I've always loved him but I pick fights with him because I'm pissed out about all the girls he dates and never once dated me.
    I sat on the couch and 5 minuets later I get a text from him saying "please don't cry" I looked around confused because I didn't cry till I got home. Then I heard the door knock.
    "what do you want Ryan?" I said.
    he pulled me into a tight hug and said
    "Ash you know your my best friend right? I don't ever want to make you cry again"

    "Ryan I'm not sure you're aware of this but I cry over you every single night because you constantly date other girls and never ONCE gave me YOUR BEST FRIEND a chance. Like really I'd rather you'd just give me a reason Ryan so I don't go on oblivious any more."

    he looked at me for a really long time and leaned in close. I was almost positive he was going to kiss me and my heart started racing. He stopped and said

    "Ash, your beautiful. All my friends call me crazy but I just don't see you that way"

    he looked at me and really looked like he was going to cry. Then he left and I just stood there in shock.
    of course I went to my room and cried my eyes out. And for the next month I didn't even look at Ryan no matter how many times he tried to come up and talk to me.
    It was two months after what he said and I got a call.
    It was from Ryans mother. She said he was in the hospital and I needed to go see him.

    Despite how much I hated Ryan for saying what he did. I rushed to the hospital as fast as my car would go. I went to the main Desk and ask to see him and they took me to his room.
    He looked so different.
    He lost his beautiful hair and he looked so weak it almost made me sick.

    "Ash, i love you. You needed to know this before I die. I said what I said because I didn't want you to get hurt when I died from this stupid cancer. I should of told you about it. I've regreted the last months of my life because I should have spent it with you and now it's to late. I tried to protect us both from heart break but I think I only made it worse. Because nothing is worse then being away from you. Not cancer and not dying. After everything I've been through that hurt me the most. I can't leave this world without telling you. As much as I wanted to protect you your the last person I wanted to see before I go. And I'm so sorry Ash. I'm so so so sorry."

    he was crying so hard and I was just in shock that I fell to my knees.
    "Ryan you've hurt me so many times but if you leave forever that will KILL me. I can't deal with it. As much as I've hated you for what you said I can't live without you. I want to spend every day with you. And now your telling me I'm out of time."
    I said sobbing.

    He cried and just stared at me. "Ash, your so beautiful"
    I ran over to him and kissed him with as much passion as I possibly could. He kissed me back and pulled me onto the hospital bed with him. We huged, cried, and apologized for hours. He kissed my forehead and told me he probably wouldn't make it through the night and I should probably go home.

    But I stayed there till the very end when he kissed me on the forehead and said his final words "I always said to myself that I'd always love you till the day I die, and I've stayed true to my words, goodbye Ash. Don't you ever forget me." I tried so hard not to cry while speaking "Ryan, I won't ever forg----" Interupted by the sound of the heart monitor, he passed away. I cried and hung onto his now lifeless body. my whole world was crushed and I've cried till there was nothing left in me.

    His mom took me back to their house because she said there was something I needed to see.

    She took me to his room where there was a list under his pillow. it said

    "If I live I'm going to tell Ash everything and ask her to marry me. I'm going to give her this ring."
    and there was a beautiful engagment ring.
    "If I live I'm going to give her my favorite sweatshirt."
    and by the bed was his favorite sweatshirt
    "If I live I'm going to take her to that concert she always wanted to see."
    and there were two tickets.

    the list went on and on about all the things he wanted me to have. His mom gave them all to me and then drove me home. I stayed in bed with all his things for 2 weeks and refuse to be seen.

    When finally I got up and went to school and tried to get on with my life like Ryan would have wanted.