• Chapter one)

    Me: (Standing in audience with YYH, BLEACH, and Naruto characters) Hello, and welcome to Whose Line is it Anyway? On tonight’s show-

    Naruto: What the hell is Whose Line is it Anyway?

    Me: IF YOU’LL SHUT UP, YOU MIGHT FIND OUT!!

    Naruto: #cowers and nods#

    Me: As I was saying…On tonight’s show, we has ‘Smell’s like a rose and stings like their thorns’, Shuichi ‘Kurama’ Minamino!

    Kurama: #smiles and waves#

    Me: ‘The warrior of Love’, Kazuma Kuwabara!

    Kuwabara: #strikes a pose#

    Me: ‘Juvenile delinquent with a general disrespect for authority’, Yusuke Uremeshi!

    Yusuke: #Finger gun motion#

    Me: And ‘get the hell away from me you psychotic fan girl’, Hiei Jaganshi! #squeal# I LOVE YOU HIEI!

    Hiei: #growl and glare#

    Me: Come on down and let’s have some fun! #walks down from audience and sits at desk while crowd gives half hearted cheers# Hello, and welcome to ‘Whose Line is it Anyway?’ The game show where everything is made up and the points don’t matter. That’s right, the points are like Pride and Prejudice to Kuwabara. Has absolutely no meaning at all.

    Kuwabara: Hey! You can’t talk to me that way!

    Me: I just did, so shut up and sit down. Now, these delightful guys have volunteered-

    Hiei: What do you mean volunteered? You forced us!

    Me: No, I forced you. Everyone else came quietly. Now what happens on this show is, these guys are going to come down here and make stuff up, according to what’s on these cards taps cards. After each round, I give them points that mean nothing. At the end of the show, I pick a fake winner. That fake winner gets to sit up at this desk and be a lazy bum while the losers have to rub lotion into Genkai’s feet and/or cut Karasu’s hair while he’s asleep.

    YYH characters: #shudder#

    Everyone else: #exchange confused glances#

    Me: #sigh# Karasu and Genkai, please stand up.

    Two named: #stand#

    Ichigo: #laughs# Wow, I’m glad I’m not them! That hag is old!

    Me: #waves hand# Yes, yes. We are all aware of Genkai’s age. You may sit now.

    Two named: #flip me off and sit#

    Me: Doesn’t my audience just love me? Now, we’re going to start with my favorite game of all time, Scenes from a Hat. Hiei and Yusuke, over here. Other two, over there. #people go to places# Alrighty. Now, before the show begins, I asked cough forced cough, the audience to write down things. One of them is suggestions for Scenes from a Hat. If I pull it out of pulls out hat this hat I stole from Koenma, they act it out.

    Ichigo: Wait, you mean everyone here will hear it?

    Me: If I pull it out. So I hope you all put down some good ones! pulls out paper ‘What the audience members are thinking right now’.

    Yusuke: #walks out with Kuwabara; whispers# Man, is that red head really a dude?

    Me: #buzzes and laughs#

    Kurama: #comes out# My god, that Hiei guy is shorter than Rukia!

    Me: #laughs hard# Nice! #buzzes#

    Hiei: #comes out and licks lips# Gods, I would gang bang that hostess chick any day.

    Me: #buzz; blinks at Hiei#

    Hiei: #shrug# Most of the guys out there are thinking that.

    Me: Ah….Hitsugaya and Sasuke, please report to my dressing room when we’re done here. #pulls out another paper# Ooh, have fun with this one! ‘Other things besides plants Kurama keeps in his hair’.

    Kurama: Oh god.

    Hiei: #comes out# GOD DAMMIT, WHERE’S MY SWORD!?

    Me: #buzzes; grin# I had nothing to do with said missing pointy object.

    Yusuke: #comes out; snaps fingers# Here kitty kitty, where are you Eikachi?

    Me: #buzz and laughs#

    Kuwa: #comes out; shifty eyes and pulls pretend string; high-pitched voice# Elmo loves you.

    Me: #bursts out laughing and buzzes# OMG, THAT WAS AWESOME BAKA!

    Kuwa: He’s going to kill me, isn’t he?

    Kurama: Debating it. #glare#

    Me: No murder while on the air. #takes out paper#….That goes for the audience too. ‘What Genkai does in her spare time’.

    Yusuke: #instantly comes out# This is fun! pretends to shave a fake mustache

    Me: #buzzes# Now that’s just mean. (grin)

    Kuwa: #comes out# Ahem…#starts singing opera#

    Everyone: O.o The hell?

    Kuwa: #shrugs and walks back#

    Me: Okay……that was strange…#pulls out paper# ‘Strange positions for YYH characters’.

    Kurama: #comes out; middle finger#

    Me: #spits out drink and chokes on laughter; buzz# I-I CAN’T B-BREATHE!

    Hiei: Keep flipping off the entire country Kurama! She might die!

    Me: #deep breath and glare at Hiei# Now I regret not spitting it at you.

    Yusuke: #comes out; drops on knees with puppy dog eyes#

    Me: #buzzes with laugh; pulls out paper# ‘Parody songs inspired by YYH cast’.

    Yusuke: #comes out# Take a guess who this is for. (in spider-man theme song) Spider-troll, Spider-troll. Four foot midget without a soul. (Me: bursts out laughing) Can he smile, even once? No he can’t, cause his face would break. Look out, #sees Hiei’s glare# please don’t ki-ill me.

    Me: #buzzes and laughs# Hiei, no killing rule applies to you too.

    Hiei: damn.

    Me: Wait until commercial, then have at him.

    Hiei: #deadly smirk#

    Kurama: #comes out# This is for Karasu.

    Karasu: I LOVE YOU KURAMA!

    Kurama: SHUT UP YOU b*****d!

    Everyone: O.O HOLY CRAP KURAMA CURSED!!

    Kurama: #glare#

    Me: Just sing the damn song, fox!

    Kurama: (Every Time We Touch by Cascada) Cause every time you touch me, I feel like puking! And every time you breath, I want to kill you! Getting strained Can’t you see I hate you so? I need you to go! Through clenched teeth I want you out of my life.

    Me: #cringe# Harsh, fox. Whatever personal issues you have, tend to them OFF THE AIR.

    Kurama: #shrug# I’d rather just kill him so I don’t have to tend to them at all.

    Me: #laugh and buzzes multiple times; guys go back to seats# I love you guys, I really do. 500 to Hiei and Kurama, 1000 to Yusuke for that puppy dog eyes, and 28374585764 to Kuwabara for that Elmo part!

    Kuwabara: Holy crap, I have more than the shrimp?!

    Me: They mean nothing, don’t get excited. Now, we are going to continue with a game called ‘Party Quirks’. This is for all four of you. Kuwabara, you’ll be hosting a party. And because you’re such a loser (Kuwa: Hey!), they are the only ones coming. I’ve given them a strange quirk or identity, and you have to guess what they are. And……..Go!

    Kuwa: #sighs; puts down pretend bowl# Chips. #puts down another bowl# pretzels. #puts down third bowl# Fish guts…Ah, this will be fun! #door bell dings#

    Yusuke: (LITTLE GIRL AT A CARNIVAL THAT GETS SICK ON EVERY RIDE) #looks around with fake awe; high pitched voice# Wow, look at this place! It’s ginormous! #jumps around squealing# I wanna go on that ride! #points in random direction and spins around# WHEE!!#stumbles# I don’t feel so good….#covers mouth with gagging motion#

    Kuwa: Erm….Bathroom is That-a-way. #points in random direction; door dings#

    Kurama: (THINKS HE LOST HIS ROSE IN EVERYONE ELSE’S HAIR) Hi. #looks around# Thank you so much for inviting me. Where did it go? #searches Kuwabara’s hair# No….No…..Oh my god, I think I just saw Elvis!

    Kuwa: #shakes head and back away# Riiiiight. You just…..just go that way… #bell dings#

    Hiei: (BOTAN) #in strained up beat voice# Hiya! Thank you sooooo much for inviting me! #strained squeal# Ew, are those fish guts?

    Kuwa: Yup! Gutted them myself!

    Yusuke: #spins around# Whee!! #runs into Hiei# Oops, sorry person!

    Hiei: #strained squeal# Well, aren’t you the cutest thing I’ve even seen?

    Yusuke: Thank you! #skips away and into audience# OOH, I WANNA RIDE THAT ONE!! #points at Keiko#

    (Anime moment)

    Keiko: (All big with flamey eyes) What. Was. That?

    Yusuke: #in chibi form# Erm….Maybe that’s not such a good idea.

    (End Anime moment)

    Kurama: #looks at Yusuke’s hair# I don’t think even a battalion of demons could get in there. #wanders away#

    Kuwa: OKAY, WHO INVITED THE BABOON!!

    Me: #spits out drink# THAT’S NOT EVEN CLOSE!

    Hiei: #dripping hot cocoa; twitch# Must….retain….preppy….psychotic…personality.

    Kuwa: Is he…..looking for something?

    Me: #buzz# Close enough. We don’t have time here to wait for you to guess correctly.

    Yusuke: #points at me and scream# AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! MONSTER!!

    Kuwa: #pats Yusuke’s head# It’s okay. I know it’s scary, little girl at a carnival.

    Me: #buzz# Omg, you’re almost right!

    Hiei: Bingo!

    Kuwabara: …….

    Hiei: #grits teeth# Oh come now, dearie, it’s not that hard.

    Me: You can get at any time, Kuwabara.

    Kuwa: #grin# I know.

    Hiei: #twitch# Oh dear, now where on earth did I leave my spiked metal bat?

    Kuwa: Eep! Okay, okay! Yeesh, when did you get so violent Botan?

    Me: #buzz# Excellent! Minus 2000 points from Kuwabara!

    Kuwabara: #falls off chair# WHY!!

    Me: #shrug# I don’t know, just for being you. We’ll be right back after this commercial break!

    #commercial#

    Ichigo: #Laying in bed# Damn it, I’m bored!

    Kon: #pops out of drawer# Well, no wonder! You’re about as exciting as watching a hamster sleep!

    Mysterious Bodiless Voice: Are you as bored as this substitute soul reaper?

    Ichigo: #falls off bed# Hey, who’s there!

    MBV: You’ve heard of Tickle-Me-Elmo, Dancing Elmo, and they’ve even gone so far as to make a Singing Elmo!

    Ichigo: I’m warning you, come out!!

    MBV: Well, now there’s #box poofs up on Ichigo’s desk# TORTURE ME ELMO!!

    Ichigo: WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!

    MBV: That’s right, it’s torture me elmo! It comes with an Elmo doll, a miniature rack, a butcher knife, and an entire set of daggers!

    Ichigo: #picks up dagger from box# Hey, it’s real!

    MBV: That’s right, Ichigo!!

    Ichigo: HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW MY NAME!!

    MBV: Each of these deadly weapons is real! The daggers are real size, the butcher’s knife has a sharp blade, and the torture rack has chains instead of ropes!

    Ichigo: #evil grin#

    Kon: #pales# Uh….oh.

    MBV: #yells over Ichigo chasing Kon with dagger# CALL NOW AND WE’LL GIVE YOU A CHOICE OF WHATEVER CHILDREN SHOW CHARACTER YOU WANT! IT CAN BE ELMO, BARNEY, OR EVEN ONE OF THE TELETUBBIES! CALL US AT 1-800-THIS-IS-A-SCAM-TO-GIVE-ICHIGO-SHARP-OBJECTS-DON’T-CALL!!

    End Chapter one