• Deep in the woods lay nestled a pleasant little house, and in that house lived a family of three bears. The father bear was ‘plus-sized’ (although he would declare it was all muscle left over from his days of playing high school football), the mother bear was incredibly health-conscientious (and would jump into a very detailed explanation of her exercise routine at a moment’s notice), and the adolescent bear was rather average (his teacher liked to insist that he could excel if he just put forth more effort in his studies). Mother bear encouraged her family to take regular walks in the morning, so they would all leave the house just before breakfast to enjoy the miracle of nature around them. With their respectable breakfasts of choice laid out with a plastic wrap covering, they would set out. Living in an area with a very low crime rate, the bears were not concerned with locking their door. Little did they suspect that on that very morning while they were out minding their own business, an intruder would invade their home.

    The little girl with bouncing golden curls, rosy red cheeks, and the sweetest of smiles could hardly be considered a dangerous criminal, but Goldilocks’ round blue eyes shone with the most devilish of intentions. On that particular morning, she had just managed to slip away from her parents while their backs were turned. She used her opportunity to explore the woods, relishing in the knowledge of being in a “dangerous place” without anyone there to tell her to be careful. Feeling particularly bold, she decided to skip away from the path and soon became hopelessly lost. The rush of adrenaline had faded, and Goldilocks felt rather frightened at the odd noises that echoed ominously around her, but she refused to admit to herself that she might have made a mistake. She stubbornly made her way through the forest, until she came upon the sight of a small house. She strode up to the house with the utmost confidence, schooled her features into the most pitiful of expressions she could manage, and knocked timidly on the door. When no one came to answer she became incredibly annoyed. After knocking with greater demand, she huffed in irritation. She extended a tiny hand to the doorknob and turned, not expecting that to come to anything. Much to her surprise, the door opened to reveal a cozy living room.

    Goldilocks stepped tentatively inside and looked around, expecting the owners of the house to round a corner at any moment and start yelling at her. She figured that it would be better to announce her presence, so she called out cautiously.

    “Hello? Is anyone home?”

    No response came. She called out once more, but with the same result. A smirk crept across her face as the thrill of being alone in a stranger’s house sank in. She ran fully into the room with a shriek of glee, and hopped into the large Lay-Z-Boy recliner. The chair promptly kicked back, with the footrest springing out with a bang. Little Goldilocks was quite shocked, and tried to pull herself out of the chair, but the cushion had already sucked her in. She struggled with the chair for quite some time before it finally relinquished its hold on her. Unfortunately, it had not given up without a bit of spitefulness. Goldilocks had managed to pull herself out of the cushion and over the arm, but was dumped into an ungraceful heap on the floor. Bounding to her feet in anger, she scowled at the recliner for a moment, as if daring it to continue to assault her. When it made no response to her mental antagonizing, she kicked out to reassert her superiority. The only effect that had was to stub one of her delicate toes. Cursing with language one would consider highly inappropriate for a child her age, Goldilocks hopped around on one foot until the throbbing settled down. With a final glare at the recliner, she turned away with her nose in the air and stalked off to find a more tolerable surface to sit upon.

    Noticing a rocking chair, she sat gingerly upon it with the knowledge of what happens to someone who is not careful in a rocking chair. Since the chair did not immediately cause her problems, she proceeded to rock back and forth with a rising intensity. Her eyes closed and her arms in the air, Goldilocks was startled once again when the chair toppled over backwards, carrying her with it. This fall was more painful than the last one, but the little girl merely picked herself up gingerly (further muttering inappropriate language), and walked over to the final available place to sit. The bean bag chair appeared inviting enough, and Goldilocks, throwing off all caution and launching herself into the bean bag with the same reckless abandon that had caused her so many problems before, landed with a “whoomph!” into its folds of blue. Snuggled in comfortably, Goldilocks smiled in triumph until she noticed the tiny white beads leaking from a small hole in the chair. She sat up in alarm and looked at the ever-rising pile of beads. She rolled out of the chair and, deciding that it wasn’t really her problem at all, went to look at what else the house had to offer her.

    Goldilocks’ day continued in much the same fashion. When she discovered the lovely breakfast laid out on the table, she did not resist the temptation to satisfy her own rumbling stomach. The largest plate contained fried eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, and gravy all together. She cringed at the amount of grease the meal contained, and continued on to the next plate. The middle-sized plate had an apple, a bit of granola, and a small container of low-fat yogurt. Goldilocks knew that the food was healthier than her young taste buds were willing to tolerate, so she moved on. The final, smallest plate held a small stack of waffles, and a smiling bottle of syrup stood nearby. Goldilocks promptly took the wrapping off of the waffles and poured a generous helping of syrup on the top. By the time she was finished eating, her face was sticky from the syrup, and some had dribbled down the front of her lovely pink dress. It was not as if she cared. It was time for more exploring, and she realized that she had not even seen the bedrooms yet.

    A quick scamper down the hall lead her to the bedroom doorways, open and welcoming to any that may wish to enter. The first bedroom was sparsely decorated, with little more than a bed, nightstand, and a few pictures on the wall. Goldilocks paid no heed to anything other than the seemingly endless expanse of the mattress. She slid over with an expression of slight awe, wishing that her own bed at home were quite that large. With that thought, she remembered her parents constantly telling her what not to do, namely jumping on the bed. She looked longingly at the bed for quite some time before she realized that there was no one to order her around. A haughty smirk planted firmly on her face, Goldilocks catapulted on to the bed. Her landing was much harder than what she had anticipated, and she rolled over to allow herself to get up. Her hands sunk in to the other side of the mattress, and she realized that she was on a Sleep Number Bed. The side she was originally on was harder than she wanted, and the side she stood on at that moment was too soft for a good jump. Not wanting to bother figuring out how to change the numbers, she simply left the room.

    Coming to the room at the end of the hall, she noticed toys scattered all about. Clearly a room for another child, she grabbed up the nearest toy and played to her heart’s content. Soon boring of that, she made her way over to the small bed in the corner of the room. The moment she sat on it, she concluded that it had the perfect bounce capacity for her desires. She jumped and hopped until she was quite exhausted, and simply settled down for a nap. Little did she know that the home’s occupants where soon to arrive.

    The bears were in high spirits as they made there way back to their lovely home, but their good mood was dashed away at the sight of their wide-open door. Feeling alarm and the need to protect his family, the father bear was the first to rush into the house. His eyes scanned the area for any danger, but came upon the sight of the chairs.

    “SOMEBODY HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR!!” he shouted.

    The mother bear and the child bear had made their way in as well. Moving in to upright her precious rocking chair, the mother bear answered in a quieter voice, but no less dismayed, she responded.

    “SOMEBODY HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR!”

    The child bear made his way over to his beloved bean bag, and stared mournfully at the pile of tiny, white beads.

    “Somebody has been sitting in my chair…”

    A similar scene was witnessed in the kitchen. They made their way over to their respective plates and surveyed the damage.

    “SOMEBODY HAS BEEN MESSING WITH MY BREAKFAST!!” the father roared.

    “SOMEBODY HAS BEEN MESSING WITH MY BREAKFAST!” the mother replied.

    “Somebody ate my breakfast…” the child retorted. It was true, every last bit of his lovely waffles were gone, with only syrup in their wake.

    Continuing on their way, the bears could not quite decide if they wanted to confront the intruder, or if they simply hoped that the offender had left by then.

    The bear family stopped to peer into the first bedroom. Mother bear could not help but gasp at the sight of the rumpled sheets and pillows tossed carelessly to the floor. She had always taken such great care to make the bed up as neatly as possible, even if father bear claimed it would only need to be remade by the next day. Even so, he was the first to comment about the state of affairs in the room.

    “SOMEBODY HAS BEEN MESSING WITH MY BED!!”

    “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR BED?” the mother asked with a scowl.

    “FINE THEN, OUR BED…” the father muttered quietly.

    In the meantime, the younger bear had made his way down the hall to check on his room. His parents were startled out of their moment when they heard their child cry out.

    “Somebody has been sleeping in my bed! And she’s still here!”

    His parents rushed from their room to ogle at little Goldilocks sleeping peacefully in their son’s bed. The three snuck over to the side of the bed to get a closer look at the blonde human child, and looked at each other with a variety of expressions. Father bear appeared to be irritated, mother bear looked amused, and the child bear seemed excited because he figured he might have a new friend to play with. The father and mother began to discus in hushed whispers on what they should do with the little girl, not realizing that their son was extending an eager little paw out to Goldilocks’ sleeping form. He lightly shook her, wanting to get to know her better.

    “Hey! Wake up,” he whispered quietly.

    His parents looked over when they heard his voice, and when the mother moved to make her son let the girl sleep, Goldilocks came awake. Her tiny hands rubbed the remains of sleep away as she sat up from the bed with a yawn. Her hands dropped, and her eyes widened in shock at the sight of the bears surrounding her. For a long moment nobody moved, but the still was broken with Goldilocks’ abrupt scream of horror. Before the surprised family could do more than blink, Goldilocks had leapt from the bed, shot off down the hallway, and blasted through the still-open front door.

    The little bear made a move to follow, but his mother took a hold of his hand and shook her head. The cub drooped in disappointment, but did as he was told. From there the bears moved about their house, straightening up the damage that their early-morning visitor had brought.

    As the family returned to their daily lives, Goldilocks was careening around the forest without the slightest idea how to get home. Tears streamed down her cheeks, making trails through the dust that covered her face, and stinging against the cuts she accumulated as she ran through the undergrowth. Her pretty pink dress was torn in several areas, and she had lost one of her dainty slippers. Lost, terrified, and alone, the only reprieve for Goldilocks was that she did not know of the creature following her. It had been attracted by the cries of distress echoing throughout the woods, and its wicked smile gleamed with sharp, white teeth. Its yellow eyes glowed in the darkness as it tracked the little child and waited for the perfect time to strike.