-
My eyes kept darting back to the man's eyes that kept darting back to mine. It was like playing a silly children's game. I tried to ignore him, but his eyes were so irresistable.They were dark blue with a thick black ring around the iris. He had straight, light brown hair that slightly hung over his eyes, he was thin but muscular, and even though he was sitting, I could tell he was tall.
I was sitting on the left side of a bench in the park and he was sitting on the other end. It was dark out and the lights were dim, but even that couldn't shadow his handsome face. I glared at him with a touch of sullenness.
" I dont mean to make you feel uncomfortable, but are you always this red?" he asked in a deep seductive voice. I felt my face get warm. Now I knew I was bright red.
"N-no," I stuttered.
"Then why are you red now?" he asked.
- by defiled_mj |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 03/18/2009 |
- Skip
- Title: No Name
- Artist: defiled_mj
- Description: Sorry...I couldn'y think of a name. Please tell me if this is good. If it's bad, post a comment so I'll know if I should keep writing or if I suck. Oh and, I'M NOT COPYING TWILIGHT. The dude's not a vampire, he's just really white.
- Date: 03/18/2009
- Tags: lovestory story beststory anawesomestory
- Report Post
Comments (4 Comments)
- defiled_mj - 04/21/2009
- Should I write more?
- Report As Spam
- ayamecullen09 - 04/01/2009
- the name should be Eyes de amore
- Report As Spam
- ayamecullen09 - 03/24/2009
- your rly good just use more figuretive lanuage
- Report As Spam
- ninja-san37 - 03/19/2009
-
very nice. you have a lot of potential. may i offer some critiques? you things lie similes and metaphors to spice up ur descriptions. eg: eyes as blue as the ocean's churning waters. etc.
anyway, that has the makings of a great romance novel. it's really good. two thumbs up! - Report As Spam
- |
- |
-
Submit
