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She sat there, blinded by frustration and hurt. She should be used to being ignored, after all, she had been invisible to everyone most of her life. But still she sat there quietly, silently, invisible to all that surrounded her. Silent screams from within her bleeding soul ached to be heard by all that taunted her. Anger flashed behind her eyes and guilt flowed through her veins. Underneath her jumper hid deep cuts that had eased her pain at the time. For, at that moment, her body had seared painfully and she, briefly, was relieved from the pain within. Only fake smiles shone on her face to keep hidden the secrets within her breaking heart…
IF ONLY
Her footsteps thunder along the path of an empty street. If you had looked upon her, you might have pitied her loneliness.
As one condemned, she proceeds to the bathroom. The house is empty, and will remain so after she is done. No one will weep for her; no one will notice her absence. Her eyes swimming with tears, her head racing with thoughts.
Nothing left to live for
Now, she comes to the moment, where she will make the ultimate sacrifice… The mirror beside her is somehow not real. It seems to shatter with a scream not her own. The pieces fall but are gone before they could hit the ground. She here’s the haunting lullaby from away. It echo’s musically from down the stairs. Entranced, she follows the noise. The room holds nothing except the piano, glossed and polished at its center. The music gently echoing from her surroundings. Then she sees her…
~*~
Mother’s face glows with happiness and joy, the feeling is reflected in her daughter. They are always sharing days and moments of pure happiness. This day it is at the fair. Father is away working. He is always away working, being anywhere but where it matters most, with his family. Today the pair are delighted, they had not attended the fair in many years. When they return home to that oversize house all is quiet. The servants are all asleep. Mother puts her to bed and leaves the nightlight to protect her little one. Sweet dreams carry her further than her bed, further than reality. A crash wakes her, a scream from away. Startled, she follows the noise, the stairs curve beneath her. Hidden from sight see watches the struggle. Someone unknown is fighting her mother. The other is stronger, faster. Her mother’s strength of spirit is strong. The fight ravages on for what seems like a lifetime. It ends with the piano and her mother both flying from the window. The crash two stories down bring the servants running. The other leaves with a bag of something. She is too young to understand what. From the broken window, she sees her mother...
~*~
Shock hits her; she chokes back tears at the memory. The plan of what she planned to do wash away as the tears force their way forwards, sliding paths down her face. Her mother’s love and strength and determination is remembered. Her loss washes over her, hope is born again.
- by Sweet Clara01 |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 03/30/2009 |
- Skip
- Title: Attempt
- Artist: Sweet Clara01
- Description: Um, so my attempt at a short story. It might be horrible, let me know. Constructive criticism and comments please.
- Date: 03/30/2009
- Tags: attempt
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Comments (7 Comments)
- Uel Tomas - 05/05/2009
- Why does everyone seem so depressed, half the stories and lyrics on this sight are to do with self harm. If you really think your life is worthless then you should be pissed at whoever made you think that way, lighten up, smoke something, love yourself and good people, f*** the rest. Alright story though, gave 4 stars. Btw Check out my lyrics
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- Sweet Clara01 - 05/04/2009
- Alright thanks for your comment/s. smile
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- TheFitz1 - 04/30/2009
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Ok sorry last comment -_-
im sorry i could have used the forum not ur fault*Bows - Report As Spam
- TheFitz1 - 04/30/2009
- o and THIS COMMENT SYSTEM IS ANNOYING try to use the forum much easier to write biggrin
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- TheFitz1 - 04/30/2009
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(Part 3...)
er
but nice concept it just needs some help
write a 2nd draft and pm me when your done ok? Ill be glad to see this story though
good luck
and never stop writing - Report As Spam
- TheFitz1 - 04/30/2009
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(part 2)
all in all just don't use emotion to describe things.
i do like you line "As one condemned" that is a VERY good show I think. next the line "he other leaves with a bag of something." that just sounds funny biggrin
you could try something like "The man darted around the stairs,leaving a trail of green paper behind him" an how did her mom and the piano come out of the window at the same time O_o. It seem like your trying to connect that piano with the death of her mom and thus they died togeth - Report As Spam
- TheFitz1 - 04/30/2009
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nice concept, I like that you turned teenage emo everyone hates me story into something of strength and I like that.(I am a teenagaer but o well)
BUT (heres where you get better)
you tell ALOT by tell i mean something like
"Mother’s face glows with happiness and joy"
Your telling your reader what to feel instead of letting them feel
them selfs so try something like "Her mothers eyes lit up as she walked into the room, the smile across her face widened as she played. - Report As Spam