• Act X- Never


    Mother told of a prince and a princess. The princess was in peril and the prince rescued her on his valiant white steed. The two rode off into the sunset and lived happily ever after. Mother never told me of when the prince couldn’t rescue his princess and there would never be a happily ever after.


    Yukiru closed her eyes once more she just fell asleep.

    “Zero-Kun!” I heard a voice call. It was Ichio. He had snapped out of his trance, apparently, and ran over to me in his human form. The tan hoodie he was wearing had holes and cuts and his jeans weren’t in any better shape.

    “Welcome back, kid,” I greeted as I placed one hand on top of his head. He handed me something, “Ani-chan might want this back.” It was her collar. The one that I bought for her the day she got her gun. It still pinged and chimed every time it moved.

    “Good to have you back, Itchy,” I sad with a forced smile. Itchy was his nickname when he was a newborn. I heard Yukiru’s painful whimper again. “Is-is that Ichio?” Ichio immediately ran to his dying sister’s side, “Yeah, Ani-chan?” Yukiru smiled sweetly and placed her hand on his cheek, “Missed you.” “I missed you more,” Ichio returned trying not to cry. Yukiru went back to sleep, I turned him around and just held Ichio for a while as he cried and cried.

    /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

    Hotaka and I both took turns looking after Yukiru. At one point, Hotaka had to perform CPR on her. That’s probably when the reality of Yukiru not surviving really started to sink in. We put Yukiru one a stone bed in the mouth of her cave den. Ichio and Sparks would lie next to her on either side to try and keep her warm. The ointment that Hotaka made helped her wounds to not get infected, but they had done their damage. Yukiru’s heart was failing faster than we could help it. Even when Sparks would start a fire for extra warmth, but the wind would always blow it out. I had to keep Yukiru talking; she couldn’t go to sleep anymore.

    “Do you want me to get you anything?” I asked for the 23rd time that night.

    “For the 23rd time, no. Zero, I’m fine I’m just a little sl-sleepy,” Yukiru started to drift off into sleep. I shook her awake just in time, “How do I know if you’re going to wake up?” She just smiled back, “I promised right?” She wasn’t getting it!! If she goes to sleep for a long period of time in the state she’s in, her heart rate would slow down even more. That would be enough to make her never wake up. Yukiru didn’t make any progress after days and days of resting. The only thing that changed was the amount of times a day Hotaka had to revive Yukiru. She was suffering but she was alive. It killed me as I watched her struggle for every breath. Hotaka once told me that the best idea would to let Yukiru fall asleep only, we didn’t wake her up. At first, I thought that his plan was horrid and heartless but, the more I watched Yukiru suffer, the more I wanted it to be over.

    Around five days later, I had fallen asleep when I was supposed to be looking after Yukiru. It was no more than a two-minute nap but, when I woke up, Yukiru was on her side facing away form me. “Yukiru. Are you hungry? Do you want anything?” She didn’t answer. “Hey…Yukiru?” I said in a more concerned tone. No voice came form Yukiru. “Yukiru!” I called in a raised volume. I turned her over so I could see her face. Her eyes were shut, she wasn’t breathing, hear heart ceased and at 10:23 pm Wednesday night, Yukiru died.

    “HOTAKA!!!” I yelled in terror. He came rushing in, “What? What’s happened?” Once he saw Yukiru, he fell to his bottom. “Zero?”

    I could only stare, “She…she’s. I fell asleep and then she was-” Hotaka coved his face in anguish and I don’t think he was sane at that moment. Sparks came in the cave with berries in his hands and a smile. He looked at me, Hotaka, then Yukiru and you could see the grief and sorrow migrate form his hair to his chin. Before the berries could even hit the ground, Sparks was knelt over Yukiru’s body, sobbing and wailing. He shook her shoulders over and over, getting increasingly violent and I had to pry him off of her. His face grew more and more like a waterfall as his tears showered Yukiru’s face. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next, “You can’t die Momma! Momma, you promised! I’ll miss you too much Momma!” It was Sparks, after not speaking one word his whole life, he was crying over a person who couldn’t hear him anymore. “I’ll miss you too much, Momma! Open your eyes…PLEASE?!” I couldn’t take it anymore, I left that room and into the woods. After a while, I could hear Ichio’s agonized cries as well. I tripped over my pack and out of fury, threw it to the ground and all of its contents splayed all over the forest ground. After I found a sturdy enough tree, I let out all of my anger and sadness onto it. A beaver with a chainsaw couldn’t cut down a tree faster than I did. I leaned up against the stump and fell to my knees. Yukiru’s gone and I can never get her back.

    I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard in my life. When I was done with my seemingly endless outrage, no, it still remains. The grief, guilt and anger will never subside. Ichio never left her side; he would talk to her and tell him about his day. And every so often I would hear him telling her to wait for him in Heaven and to see so “Mom and Dad” are doing. It was decided that she would be cremated 3 days after her death. I couldn’t sleep for more that 15 minutes at a time and eating was impossible because I killed her. It was because I couldn’t protect her the way I should have. Her death was my fault, and no matter how much I wanted I could never escape that fact. I came back to the moonlit cave opening to see Ichio reading something among my torn open backpack, tears were brimming his eyes, “I think it’s for you.” I was hesitant to take to paper from him, “Its form KiKi,” he said again. I grabbed that note as fast as humanly possible and in neat cursive writing it read,

    ‘Dear Zero,
    I’m sorry I couldn’t keep our promise. I’m sorry I let you down and I’m sorry that I didn’t get a chance to say good-bye to you correctly so…Good-Bye. I love you more than life itself. I just wanted to let you know that, not even death could change that. Please, please be safe. Tell Sparks that I miss him and love him. The same to Hotaka. If we found Ichio, tell him I’m sorry I couldn’t spend more time with him. And Zero, of there is a Heaven; I’ll be waiting for you at the pearly gates. Good-bye…I love you!
    -Yukiru KiKi'

    She crossed out Yukiru and put KiKi in its place. I held that small piece of paper close to my chest and cried. KiKi. My little KiKi…



    End of Act X