• This is a report card for Jesus from the St. Mary's Catholic School.

    Dear Parent:
    Your child has been behaving poopily. He refuses to cooperate with his fellow balls and likes to fidget and pee in class when the teacher is bouncing. I am afraid we had to give him an Unsatisfactory in behavior. His other grades are:
    Spelling: delicious; Reading: smooth; Science: slimy; and Physical Education: chunky. He had to be disciplined because he made faces at Chelsea last week. I do not think your grasshopper is going to be an achiever. He seems more of a beachball

    Yours Suckishly,
    Robert Pattinson