• MadHouse Episode 1: The Homecoming
    *The scene begins with Chris standing alone in a room*
    Chris: HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DUDES AND DUDETTE, Chris here coming to ya live from the Madhouse, todays the big day where all of our contestants will be coming. I don’t know about you guys but I can’t wait to see the dumba-
    *the door behind Chris opens up to show Andrew standing there wearing only boxers and a fedora hat, looking extremely sleepy.*
    Andrew: who the hell are you talking to Chris?
    *The scene zooms out to show that Chris has been standing in front of a bathroom mirror the entire time*
    Chris: I wasn’t talking at all your hearing must be off.
    Andrew: I’m pretty sure that my hearing isn’t off and I’m pretty sure you were talking just now.
    Chris: I’m pretty sure you’re an idiot
    Andrew: and I’m pretty sure that if you don’t get outta the bathroom right now I’m gonna go to your room and do there what I was gonna do in the toilet here.
    Chris: Don’t even think about it man.
    Andrew: Then get out of here
    Chris: fine, fine I’m going, but let me ask you this why are you wearing a fedora?
    Andrew: Cause I always wear a fedora.
    Chris: Even to bed?
    Andrew: Doesn’t everybody?
    *The scene shifts to the 1st floor where Chef is busy working in kitchen cooking, Andre& Mika walk in and jump on the counter next to him*
    Chef: WHOA, you scared me there I didn’t hear you guys come in.....wait a minute why am I talking to cats, maybe Chris is right maybe I am losing it.
    *He looks at the cats for a few moments and then smiles to himself*
    Chef: Oh but how could I not talk to cute kitties like you guys, who wants to be petted.
    *Chef reached out his hand and was about to pet Mika when his hand was batted outta the way by Andre*
    Chef: why you, I just wanted to pet your sister now let me.
    *The following moments contained Chef attempting to pet Mika only to have his hand batted out of the way*
    Chef: Why can’t I pet Mika?
    ???: Cause we only let Andrew pet us
    Chef: wait who said that?
    ???: Down here
    *Chef looked down to find the source of the voice only to see the cats*
    Chef: Psh, musta been my imagination, cause everyone knows cats can’t talk.
    Andre: Oh but we can.
    Mika: Ya Andrew taught us.
    *Chef looked at the cats and then tried to recall anything that he had eaten that would cause him to hallucinate like this*
    Andre: We know what your thinking
    Chef: OH GAWD YOUR PSHYCIC TOOOO
    Mika: No, we just know that your thinking your going crazy cause we’re talking to you.
    Chef: Ya that’s basically all I’m thinking right now.
    Andre: Ya well you’re not and we can actually talk.
    Mika: Thanks to Andrew’s strict teaching regime.
    Andre: Ya no kibbles till we could speak Latin underwater.
    Chef: YOU CAN SPEAK LATIN UNDERWATER!!!!!
    Mika: Psh no we just made him think we could.
    Chef: how
    Andre: he doesn’t know any Latin
    Chef: Oh... ok then.
    *At that moment Chris walked into the kitchen and looked at Chef*
    Chris: Dude are you talking to Andrew’s cats?
    Chef: Ya you’d never believe it the idiot taught his cats to speak.
    Chris: ...................riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigghhhtt
    Chef: No I’m serious say something Andre....Mika
    *Andre and Mika just sat there staring blankly at Chef*
    Chris: Dude you really gotta get outta the kitchen more often
    Chef: Chris, dude I’m serious.
    Chris: and I’m serious about you needing help
    *With that Chris left the room leaving Chef slightly defeated, he then looks at the cats who are shaking their heads*
    Andre: Chef, Chef, Chef, you can’t go around telling strangers that we can talk
    Chef: BUT YOU TOLD ME AND I’M A STRANGER TO YOU.
    Mika: Well you were until we fought
    Chef: BUT ALLYOU DID WAS KICKED ME DOWN
    Andre: Ya but that’s in the past and now we’re friends
    Chef: I hate you so much right now
    Mika: Ok whatever, can we have kibbles now
    Chef: No
    Andre: Please
    Chef: No
    Mika: Pretty Please
    Chef: NO WAY IN HELL
    Andre&Mike: Pretty Pretty Please
    Chef: OK, OK JUST SHUT UP
    *Near the front of the MadHouse Andrew and Chris stood waiting for the contestants to arrive*
    Andrew: Are they almost here yet?
    Chris: I dunno?
    Andrew: How bout now?
    Chris: I don’t know
    Andrew: How bout now?
    Chris: OK THATS IT
    *Chris turns around and starts strangling Andrew*
    Chris: I DON’T CARE WHAT THE MAN IN CHARGE THINKS YOU ARE NOT GONNA BE ON THIS SHOW ONCE I’M DONE WITH YOU.
    Andrew:*while choking* GAR ZEY ERE ET?
    Chris: I DON’T F*****G KNOW DAMMIT
    ???: Wow no wonder this place is called the Madhouse.
    *Chris immediately releases Andrew to confront the witness*
    Chris: Who the heck are you?
    ???: I’m Loyde Reed one of the contestants, but you can just call me Loyde, now who are the other losers-I mean contestants, are they here yet
    Chris: did you just call the other contestants losers
    Loyde: no I don’t think I did
    Chris: I pretty sure you did
    Loyde: Nope definitely didn’t.
    Chris: You did.
    Loyde: Didn’t
    Chris: Did
    Loyde: Did
    Chris: didn’t
    Loyde Ok fine whatever you say
    Chris: GOD DAMMIT I CAN’T TAKE THIS MUCH LONGER
    *In the background a snickers bar drops down beside Andrew who immediately notices it and goes to pick it up*
    Andrew: YAY SNICKERS
    ???:HAHAHA YOU FELL FOR IT
    *a person dropped down behind Andrew, and with a swiftness achieved over years of training put his forefingers and rammed them up Andrew’s butt*
    Andrew: OH SWEET JESUS IN A PEANUT *as he went sailing through the air clutching his butt*
    ???: Ah my flawless technique *Andrew lands in the flower beds* 1000 years of pain.
    Loyde: And you are?
    ???: Name’s Will, super ninja extraordinaire, and ex-chocoholic.
    *Andrew rejoins the group rubbing his butt*
    Andrew: You mean chocoholic right
    Will: No ex
    Andrew: Then why’d you eat that snickers bar?
    *Will looks at the half eaten snickers bar in his hand drops to his knees and cries*
    Will: Nooooooooooooo, I haven’t touched chocolate for at least a minute.
    Andrew: I feel your pain buddy I’m a chocolate milk addict myself.
    Will: *Sniff* how do you deal with your addiction.
    Andrew: I have a hip flask that I can take a swig from at any time.
    *Andrew pulls out a massive canister, unscrews it, and takes a sip, and then drops it*
    Andrew: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I’M OUT.
    Loyde: Ok then....
    Chris: This is probably the best part of my job, what’s that noise?
    *A roaring is heard in the distance, and continues to get louder and louder until a motorcycle breaks through the front gates with two riders on it*
    ???1:CARTER IS IN THE HOUSE
    ???2:HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
    *Carter drifts the bike to a stop in a flowerbed full of roses sending the other rider flying off and through a window in the house, Carter then gets off the bike and heads toward the group assembled in front of which*
    Andrew:*holds up a sign that says “Pwned”*
    Loyde: *holds up a sign that says “WOOT”*
    Carter: Yo how’s it going guys?
    Andrew: besides my new inability to poop good
    Loyde: Meh
    Will: It was better before you got here
    Chris: no wonder this show is called the madhouse
    *Chef walks out of the house carrying the body of ???2, Mika&Andre following suit*
    Chef: Who the hell is this guy
    Carter: That would be Rygeor
    Rygeor: hi~~~~
    *Chef suddenly drops Ryegor and falls to his knees*
    Chef: NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU MY GARDEN WHAT HAPPENED.
    Loyde: Well the crater over there is where Andrew landed and the bike pit is Carter’s.
    *Chef instantly grabs Carter and Andrew by the necks and starts choking them*
    Chef: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY PETUNIA’S AND ROSES
    Loyde: there sure is alotta choking on this show....
    Will: I know right.
    ???:What the heck is going on here?
    *The group turns to see too girls and a man walking towards them*
    Chris: Let me guess Smith, Jill, and Alexandra?
    Jill: You are correct
    Smith: Yo
    Alexandra:..........YOU’LL NEVER TAKE MEEEEEEEE
    *Alexandra turns and makes a run for the gate*
    Chris: CHEF WE GOTTA RUNNER!
    Chef: ON IT!
    *In one smooth motion Chef drops Carter and Andrew, pulls a rifle from under his apron, loads it and snipes Alexandra down*
    Andrew:*holds up a sign that says “Pwned”*
    Loyde: *holds up a sign that says “WOOT”*
    Will:*hold’s up a sign with the TF2 Lol face on it*
    Carter: *hold’s up a sign that has to be censored*
    Loyde: Where did you get that sign from?
    Carter: Ebay
    Loyde: That make total sense.
    Chris: Chef I think she’s still going
    Chef: I got her I got her.
    *Chef walks over to Alexandra who is attempting to crawl her way out of the compound, grabs her by the leg and drags her back*
    Alexandra: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, YOU”LL NEVER TAKE MEEEEEEEEE ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I’LL BE THE FIRST TO DIE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
    *Chef drags her past the group where she continues to yell until a thump is heard then complete silence*
    Chris: ooooooooooookkkkaaaay then, *turning to the group*, if you haven’t already guessed you’ve all just left the real world and entered the MadHouse, as a refresher you’ll competing to win this 10 million dollar house, and a large cash prize as well, the winner gets it all the losers get nothing so without further delay (or incidents) let games begin.
    Andrew: Are they here yet?
    *Chris throws Andrew down and begins beating him senseless*