• Chapter 1

    “Beep, beep, beep, beep!”
    Ugh, I thought simply, too tired to come out from my covers. A thick stream of light blanketed my one hazel eye not covered by my black goose down comforter. This was why I loved the night. Why is the sun so bright?
    “Wake up sleepy head! Classes start in an hour! And, please don’t take this the wrong way, but, you need an intervention to get that body of yours in good enough shape to be presentable to the public,” said a voice I knew well as my alarm clock. A role she took great pride in, hence the beep noises.
    I rolled my blanket off and couldn’t help inspecting myself. It’s a girl’s prerogative, right?
    My right leg was hanging off the bed, and my left foot, too, had not the support of my bed. I’d somehow wiggled my way nearly half way down the bed, managing to keep all the pillows beneath my head. I smirked. Mom always said I could never keep my feet on the bed.
    I looked down at my torso and noted my white tank top. My flat, tan stomach, envied by many, mentioned by few, was peeking out. I put my feet unsteadily on the floor, considering whether or not the black spots were from sleep, or something to worry about. I opted for the less dramatic one since they dissipated soon after appearance.
    I ran a hand through my long, problematic dirty blonde hair. Yep, still raggedy and knotty, I thought. I need a shower.
    “Are you going to follow me to the girl’s bathroom, or stand there and relish your grossness?” my roommate, Blair Simmons—said alarm clock— asked, interrupting my thoughts of my dirtiness.
    “I think I’ll relish,” I said, setting off a round of Blair giggles. It was simply a Blair sound; one that could not be duplicated, kind of like her effervescent nature.
    Despite my statement of relishing, I shuffled toward my dresser to grab my uniform.
    Stop, I know what you’re thinking. Ew, uniforms.
    In all actuality, our uniforms were awesome. Being that our school colors were red, white, and black, the uniforms were cool colors and made by some designer, so they looked cute too.
    I yanked a red plaid skirt, and a black, button down, short sleeved shirt out of the bottom drawer. Then I worked on trying to find a white tank top to wear under my black shirt.
    That way, I could unbutton the first few and not look like a slut. So I don’t look like Fae Lasting, I thought silently. She is such a slut. She basically walked around school with her whole shirt unbuttoned, with everything hanging out.
    Yes! I thought as I found the tank top. I moved to the top drawer to get my undergarments.
    Seeing my black cat underwear, I thought of my birthday which was coming up pretty soon. As a junior, I'd been at the school for a little more than two years, and nearly everyone I'd met thought my birthday was awesome because, among other reasons, if anyone ever forgot, I got candy anyway. My birthday was October 31st. Yep, it’s on Halloween. I loved to brag about it. I mean, who wouldn’t? All these thoughts raced through my eccentric mind, springing from the one image of cat underwear.
    Finally, I got all of my clothes, a towel, and rushed to an impatient Blair and turned to leave. I paused only long enough to grab my soap from the basket on my desk next to the door.
    Outside in the hallway, girls were just coming out of their rooms with sleep ridden eyes. I laughed at their tiredness.
    The halls were very European based. The walls were eggshell white with dark wood paneling half way up the wall.
    Placed in matching intervals were hanging gas lanterns that let off a soft glow when they were on. But, during the day, the more conventional lighting of fluorescents was used. There was thick red carpet on the floor that allowed you to walk without shoes on.
    As I saw some of the other girls grab their shower things, I realized we were going to face a kind of war if we didn’t get to the stalls soon.
    “We should hurry up and get to the bathrooms. We don’t want to get stuck in line,” I said. There was nothing I hated more than having to wait for a half an hour to take an ice cold shower. And we had to go to the opposite side of the building and down a flight, seeing as we were on the third floor, and the showers were on the second.
    “You’re right,” Blair said mysteriously. I knew the sly smile that was crossing her face. We were going to do something we’d most likely regret in the latter. “Come on, let’s go!” she yelled and began tearing down the hallway.
    I laughed at her shrinking figure before bolting after her. We were going to get in so much trouble if we were caught. But as I always said, live for today, because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come. Sigh.
    I picked up my speed to make up for lost time. Before I knew it I was way past Blair and the other girls were staring at me in a mixture of confusion and awe, most likely at my speed. If there was one thing I was good at, it was running.
    Everything was great until it wasn’t. I was loving the exhilaration of running, until I saw Ms. Schmidt, our heavily German dorm advisor (Everyone called her The Nazi), coming toward me. She was lean, and she was mean, a terrible combination if you ask me.
    I skidded to a stop right in front of her. “Sadie Aveda, Blair Simmons,” she started as Blair halted right next to me. “Might I ask why you two are sprinting down the hall, even though there is clearly a rule against it?” she asked with her severe accent, more than hinting where she was from.
    “Um, well, it’s kind of a long story that includes some stuff…” Dang me and my stuttering. “We wanted to get to the bathroom before all the stalls filled up,” I stated in defeat. Better to tell the truth and apologize, I thought. Than lie and get caught.
    “You will never do it again,” she replied, even though we all knew we probably would. Her hawk-like eyes stared me down, making me avert mine. “Do you understand?” she shouted, more like a sergeant general at military camp than a DA. Yup. Definitely a Nazi.
    “Yes ma’am,” me and Blair responded simultaneously. How she could get us to act so was beyond me.
    “Well then, be on your way,” she said continuing down the hall like she hadn’t just scared the crap out of me and Blair, who looked smaller and more doe eyes than she had just ten minutes ago.
    When she was out of hearing distance, we began the rest of the distance to the ‘lavatories’. “I wonder when the last time she got laid was,” I thought out loud. Out came the Blair giggles again.
    I looked at the face I’d come to know and love. Her honey blonde hair with black streaks going through it, and I was never quite clear on how they got there, hung crazily, but charmingly, and slightly lower than her shoulders.
    Her heart shaped face was charismatic, as was most of her personality. She wasn’t exactly short tempered, but when she got mad, she got mad. She was frou frou (I’m not sure what that means, but I’m sure Blair is it), and she was just different. I can’t even really think of a word to define her. She is just really Blairy. It’s a new adjective, Blairy: Blair-like, of Blair essence. Definition: You act different, out there, crazy, insane, and like Blair. You are not afraid to be yourself, even if people don’t necessarily like it.
    Yeah. I’d say that essentially covers it.
    Luckily, we got to the bathrooms before the rush of teenage girls being late for class came in. Most of the stalls were filled. Coincidently, two were open right next to each other. That, or we bombarded the girls in the bathroom and forced one girl out while shampooing so we could be next to each other; I don’t remember which. How devious?
    I gratefully welcomed the warm water that washed over my face, releasing some of the stress built up in my body.
    “What were we doing this weekend again?” I asked Blair while wetting my hair. I heard a muffled reply, then a breathless best friend.
    “Sorry, I was seeing how long I could hold my breath; I think that was a new record.” I shook my head at her silliness. She was so uncalled for, and yet so loved for it.
    “We are going to that Halloween fair going on in Albany. We’ll have to leave early though, it’s a long drive. Hope you can get up. You’re going to bed early tonight,” she said, trying to mother me, as she rarely did.
    “I will do no such thing. Who’s driving, we don’t have a license or a car?” I asked skeptically.
    “Jamie, duh!” she said. Apparently, I was the epitome of dumbness. My heart fluttered at his name. Jamie. His wavy black hair, his sweet emerald eyes. I smiled at the image of his dimpled smile.
    “Sadie, Sadie!” Blair said, interrupting my dream-like state. “You were so thinking about him weren’t you?” My silence was enough of an answer for her. “Why don’t you just ask him out? You guys have been the bestest of friends since you were in 2nd grade—“
    “He was in third,” I reminded her, as if it made a difference to her. And it didn’t, as she hinted with her next sentence.
    “Whatever. You guys would make a great couple. Plus, he’s popular, but not a bonehead. He isn’t even interested in what Fae is always waving in his face; And, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.”
    I couldn’t help but smile at Blair’s encouragement.
    “I appreciate your blessing and all, but what if he says no? Then things would be all awkward between us and our friendship would be ruined,” I said, sadly feeling the truth of it. I heard Blair sigh.
    “But if he said yes, you would be the happiest person in the world and every girl in this school would watch you with envy.” I couldn’t help but grin at the thought. Some of those girls needed a good dose of envy.
    “I wouldn’t want to risk it. Jamie is just way too important to me. If he were to ask me out, it would be different; I’d definitely say yes. But until then, we’re just friends,” I stated matter-of-factly.
    “Sadie and Jamie, kissing in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G,” she sang. I picked up my bar of soap, which was Dove, and threw it over the curtain.
    “Ouch!” I heard her screech. Ah, the sweet taste of satisfaction, I thought. “You are so mean. I bet he is saying the exact same thing to Damien as you are to me,” she said, mock pain in her voice. Damien was Jamie’s best friend; other than me of course. Damien was kind of like what Blair was to me; except he didn’t like hanging out with us. And they weren’t nearly as close. So we rarely saw much of him.
    “Maybe, maybe not. I will not do anything rash until I know for a fact that what he feels for me is more than friendship,” I finished. By the tone of my voice she knew I was done talking about this. We changed the subject and finish getting squeaky clean.
    I got changed and headed back to the room to finish getting ready. This entailed make-up, hair styles, shoes, and getting the whole outfit checked by one another. Once I was okayed by Blair, and her by me, we headed out. I grabbed my cool red tie—that I wore as a necklace— and headed out to door with my books in tow.
    We didn’t talk about Jamie the rest of the day, but I knew she wasn’t done talking to me about it. Sadly.
    * * * *
    Thank god it’s Friday, I thought collapsing on my bed. Classes were over and I had two and a half days left until I redid this whole week again. I groaned at the thought.
    I used the time I had left before Blair came in bursting my bubble of quiet to relax and write like I always did. Most of the times I thought of I line I liked and built off of it to make a short story or poem.
    I stared at the plain white ceiling and thought deeply about what I was feeling. Lying down, and dripping red. The line came to my mind. At first I was hesitant about it; it was so depressing. I tried to think of something else but I couldn’t. It just stuck to me.
    I pulled out my poem notebook, a simple black magnetic one. It had a yin yang on the bottom right corner outlined. I opened to where the red page marker told me the next blank page was.
    As soon as I put the first line down, the rest just poured out of the black ink in my pen. It was as if I had written it before but it was somewhere in a distant memory that was just coming to be once again through my ink, spilling onto the paper…

    Lying down, and dripping red
    “In the rag and bone shop of the heart”,
    you succumb to the feeling of dread,
    Your mind travels back to the start.

    Slipping up, glowing bright
    Accepting it in the end.
    Trying hard to avoid the light.
    But into the abyss you descend.

    Leaving body, and becoming soul
    You’ll miss who you once were.
    The past of your life has taken its toll
    You’re riding with death’s chauffeur.

    I read the poem over and over again trying to figure out how I came up with it. Most of my poems had something to do with what I was feeling. I was not feeling this. Exasperated, I let out a long sigh. Obviously my emotions are all out of whack.
    I closed my book, freaked out by my death poem and got off the bed to find Blair. No sooner than when I put both feet on the ground did the door open. Expecting Blair to walk in the room with her loudness, I was surprised by what I saw, because before me stood, not the great roommate of mine, but the best guy I had ever know.
    “Hey Jamie,” I said, a little too happily. His face seemed to light up when he saw me. A good sign. Or so I thought.
    He crossed the room and gave me a big hug. I took advantage and took a deep inhale of his smell. I sighed in pleasure.
    He smelled like lavender, and he smelled good. When he released me he smiled big and bright, showing off his adorable dimples. His black hair fell in waves to his just beneath his ear; a chunk of it hung over his right emerald eye.
    I found myself staring. I quickly looked away to avoid suspicion, but couldn’t keep my eyes away. He was still smiling, like always. Suddenly his brows furrowed like he was confused.
    “It’s too quiet in here. Where is Blair?” he asked mock seriously. “Did you hit her over the head because she wouldn’t stop talking?” He stared at me critically.
    “Maybe, maybe not. You’ll never know until you notice she’s not in the car tomorrow when we go to the fair thing. She’ll be unconscious in my closet.” He started laughing at my scenario. I couldn’t help following his example.
    “I’m kidding in case you thought I really was a psycho path. She’s isn’t back from her Film Class yet,” I said sitting on my bed.
    He followed, planting himself right next to me. So close. I could feel his body heat radiating into my thigh and arm. I wanted to reach out and touch him—but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
    “What are you doing here anyway? Unless you had a sex change that I don’t know about and you’re my new roommate; because that would be too weird,” I said, keeping the funny vibe.
    “Yes, I live here starting tomorrow. Sorry I forgot to tell you I decided to turn into a girl,” he replied, laughing. Who could keep a straight face saying that? Unless, of course, if it was true. I fell over laughing… onto Jamie.
    He wasn’t uncomfortable, he just kept laughing. I sat up straight gasping for air. The thing about our friendship was it was so easy to be around each other. We had the same sick sense of humor so we didn’t need to worry about offending each other.
    I caught his eye and held his gaze. There was a flash of something in them that I didn’t quite catch. Passion? Desire? Before I knew it I was leaning in toward him. I was so close to his face that I could smell the mint of his breath.
    “Hey Sadie, what are you…” I pulled back in surprise when I heard Blair’s voice from the door. I turned to meet her eyes and they were full of surprise and regret that she had walked in on what she had walked in on.
    “Hey Jamie. Whatcha doing here?” she asked with a fake smile plastered on her face. I could tell all she wanted to do was grill me on Jamie. The guy in question stumbled for words. I resisted moaning and putting a hand on my forehead.
    “I just came to visit,” he finally said. I didn’t know if that was the real reason. “I should go though; I was supposed to meet Damien at our room and I’m late.” He got up from my bed and I followed him to the door.
    Blair moved over to make way for us. “Bye Sadie, I’ll probably call you later. I might drop by so be on high alert; it could be at any time,” he said in all not seriousness. I smiled at his coolness with what had just gone down. What had just gone down?
    I hugged him goodbye. “Bye Blair,” he said as he left.
    “Bye,” she replied, barely paying attention to the door closing and zeroing in on me. “So! What was that I just walked in on!?!” she screamed at me.
    “I don’t know seeing as you walked in before it could happen,” I joked and went back to my bed to lie down. Blair grabbed my elbow before I could get there.
    “No you don’t. That trick ain’t going to work. You never sleep in the afternoon, just the morning. Never the night either. How do you survive like that? Anyway, what was going to happen before I was an a** and ruined it?” she asked.
    “I don’t know. I just found myself leaning in to kiss him and I think he was too. That might just be from instinct though. Don’t make a big deal out of this. Please!” I begged her. It was the last thing I needed.
    “Fine, I won’t say anything about it again; but I sure will think it. You can bet on that,” she said. I laughed at her threat. “We need to do something. Let’s go play soccer in the field across from the little fish pond.” I smiled at her. She knew me all too well. Almost as well as Jamie did, but not quite. He knew everything, except that I liked him.
    Then again, I thought. He might know after this little scene. Great! I sighed. “Yeah, I need to relieve some stress. Just let me put on some more comfortable clothing. I can’t play in a skirt.” She nodded and went to find our soccer ball.
    Soon after, I left with Blair to get some exercise. Once again I was glad to have a roommate who was very active like me. It would be a drag to have some couch potato, though Blair did have her moments. Everyone did, I was pretty sure.
    But for the moment, life didn’t suck so much.