• Nathon Power's Journal Entry #18
    March 24, 2010


    tab It was around 9:00 pm when we finally reached the hostpital. It was like music to my ear when a doctor told me that my mom was going to live and eventually, after a couple months probably, revive from this "accident". Even with that good news, I was afraid. I was afraid to face what, exactly, my mom would look like. But more than that, I was afraid to face her, to talk to her again. Not that I didn't want to. I loved my mom more than anything. But I was afraid on just how well that conversation would go, how well we could get along, us both knowing what happened.
    tab I didn't know whether rush over to my mom's room in sheer fear, or reluctantly tip toe in, also in sheer fear. In the end, I think I did a bit of both. I thnk I dashed over to the room with unthought through nervousness, and then when I reached the door to the room, I just stopped. I stopped, and began to second guess what I was doing. Did I really want to know what happened to my mom? So, I guess it was then when I tip-toed in cautiously.
    tab It didn't change anything, though. There was still that same sink in my heart when I saw my mom sprawled on the bed, her whole body all wrapped up and hard to amek out. It would've been the same emotion, whether I crept in or barged in.
    tab Nothing moved in my mom's awkardly placed bodies. She was pretty much trapped in a body cast, after all. It didn't matter, though. I kneeled down next to her, lightly touching her side.
    tab "Mom, what happened?" She didn't say anything, just groaned.
    tab "It's because of Jenna," I answered for her. "You did it because of what Jenna said, didn't you?" Upon me saying that, Jenna, my aunt, and my uncle came into the room. I shut my mouth about Jenna then, though I'm not sure why. What did it matter that I got in trouble for bad talking a family member now? That was the least of my concerns.
    tab "It's gonna be all right," my aunt said, getting on her knees as I got up, though I could tell by my mom's eyes that she felt otherwise. "We'll make it through this." Then, my mom finally opened her mouth, and struggled out the word,
    tab "No..." We were all surprised, and even Jenna took a step back.
    tab "What was that?" my uncle asked, as if he heard something wrong.
    tab "I should've...should've died...Why didn't...I die?"
    tab "We don't want you to die," my uncle said. "We want you right here, with us."
    tab "No...no..." my mom repeated. "Should've...should've died..." Paulus and Richard stared at eachother, not sure what to say. They stood up, and Paulus said rather awkwardly,
    tab "Well, I hope you change your mind about that." They walked out the door, leaving Jenna and I alone with mom in the room.
    tab "Jenna..." my mom gasped. Jenna, who hadn't been talking the whole time, looked up at mom.
    tab "Sorry." It was all my mom said to her. But I think it was just that one word that changed how Jenna felt about her. It was more than that, in fact. It made Jenna feel sorry.
    tab "Me...me too."

    tab "Jenna, what's made you change?" I was careful not to bring up mom when we left the room and were in the hallway, sitting in the nice, soft chairs they had in the hospital. She didn't say anything. I think she was still feeling guilty about what happened to mom. I wasn't sure what I felt about her anymore. Whether I hated her, or loved her.
    tab "You can tell me. I can forgive you if I knew."
    tab "You wouldn't," she finally said, staring down at the floor.
    tab "Why not?" She paused, and said,
    tab "You'll figure out one day, but it won't be pretty. You'd wish you'd never had known." She got off the chair, and walked off. I felt so lost...So left in the dust. Was it only me, or did everyone else feel that way too?
    tab It was the words she said that sparked a memory of what my dad had told me what I asked about Jenna.
    tab "Some things are better left...unsaid." Jenna had learned the truth. And now, she wished she never had.
    tab And whatever that truth was, I suddenly didn't want to know it anymore.