what just happened?

• Artist: lizardofod
• Description: i dunno what this is...a writing prompt for english...i decided to write a few of them. haha, if it sucks tell me ill stop writing them
• Date: 05/12/2010
• Tags: english promt scary

colors as bright as a rainbow seemed to explode out of me, and i felt myself being lifted off the ground. i opened my mouth, but i couldnt scream. suddenly i fell limp, and everything blacked out.

i awoke in a cage, with metal bars that i couldnt slip through. a little girl stood before me, laughing. "i cant believe you risked your life for that stupid boy," she said, with a voice that didnt fit her. it was a deep, manly voice, and it scared me. the girl walked away, and i prayed i wouldnt parish in this prison.

Comments

[Lloid]

You have a great variety of descriptive language! Not only that, but its a rather interesting piece, I must admit I am a bit curious as to how you would proceed with the story from here.

There are a few aspects I would work on though. "Good" grammar (while obnoxious and, at times, painstaking) can add a LOT to a piece of writing. It enables you to emphasis, nay, EMBOLDEN (sorry, couldn't help it) your work.

All in all, good job! I look forward to seeing more of your writing.