• Last words. They mean so much, and yet many people don’t know how important they are. Whether it is just one word, or several, everyone needs to know how important last words are. They can say many things. Sometimes they can even be a warning. A warning telling the listener that something is wrong; that you need to listen very hard or you’ll never remember. But mostly, the last words are so simple that it stays in your head and you can never forget. Sometimes, it’s just goodbye.

    When I found out I had cancer, all I wanted to do was cry. But they never came. Even when everyone left after hearing about it, the tears just didn’t want to show themselves. When I was alone, I thought about the saddest things that had ever happened to me, and yet, I didn’t cry. Couldn’t should be the word, but I think I could. The truth is, I don’t want to. Because if I cry, I’ll never stop. And my body knows that. So, here I am, writing in my very messy hand writing. I decided that I should write things I could never say out loud. Then after, I will write letters to the people I need to say those things to. I will give the letters to Dr. Tracy and she will mail them for me. It’s all set. There is no turning back.

    I guess before I start to write those letters, I will talk about me. My life, how I came here, sitting in this small hospital bed under the covers. My name is Kelly and I’m sixteen. That’s all you really need to know about me as a person. None of the other stuff really matters but I’ll say it anyway. I live in a large city, I go to school, I had friends, and I had family. I had so many good things in my life and yet God chose to end it. But I trust him to look after the people I will leave behind. Those people deserve better than what I can give them.
    No matter what happened to me in the past, none of it really matters anymore. Nothing does except that I get my voice out there. That I get my life noticed by those who love me, those who hate me, and those who saw me once but never bothered to turn around and look at me twice. My friends, my enemies, and that boy. That one boy that mattered, but he never knew it. I’m sure I mattered to someone too, but I never saw it. Through everything that happened in my life, I don’t regret anything. Not one mistake, not one step and not one choice. All the choices I made may have lead me to this bed I lay in now, but that doesn’t matter. Like I said, none of it does.

    So to all who knew me, to all who begged me not to die and to all who begged me to die, prepare to get a little white envelope in the mail with your name on it. A little white envelope that may be thick or may be thin. And with a little purple heart on the bottom corner.

    ______________________________________________________________________

    Derek walked out of the classroom, feeling tired and drained. Lately that’s all he’s been feeling. The hallway was crowded and loud as he paced slowly down it towards his locker. He could feel someone’s eyes on him, but his mind was wandering away from reality. He didn’t care much for reality anymore. Ever since Kelly passed, Derek was acting very strange, and he knew it. But he knew all he needed was some time to adjust. After all, Kelly was his best friend. He goes from seeing her everyday to...not. All he needed was some time. But time wasn’t going to pass very quickly anymore.
    Derek felt a tap on his shoulder. He almost jumped out of his shoes until he saw who it was. Tamie.
    “Hey Derek. What’s up?” she said, very calmly. Derek blinked at her for a moment, trying to think of something to say. When he finally got his thoughts back on track, he spoke.
    “Nothing. Just... you know.” He looked down at his shoes, trying to keep the tears back.
    “Yeah. I know.”
    Derek was surprised to see that she looked sad too. She never really knew Kelly; he didn’t even think they ever met. That’s when he realized that she wasn’t being sad because Kelly is... gone. She was feeling pity for him. He didn’t like that.
    He shoved his books into his backpack and slammed his locker shut. When he turned to fast-walk down the hallway to the doors, he heard whispers from behind him. Almost the entire hallway had gone quiet when he slammed his locker, and he knew that everyone was looking at him. He hated that. That everyone pitied him because of his dead best friend. Thoughts ran wild as he flung the front doors to the school open and jumped down the front steps. School was over, and all he wanted to do was run home and lay in his bed. Like he had done for the past week. Every afternoon.
    When walking up his street, he had flashbacks to when he and Kelly were seven, riding their bikes up and down this street like it was their own. He remembered her long blonde hair flowing like water in the wind. The way her laugh echoed down the entire street. Derek shook the thoughts off and ran up onto his porch. As soon as he opened the door, he saw his parents standing in the kitchen. By the way the room suddenly went quiet when he walked in, Derek knew that were talking about him. He paused and looked around the room for a moment, then turned to walk up the stairs.
    “Wait, Derek... “
    His mother’s voice was very quiet, but it could still be heard in the quiet room. His little sister, Felicia, sat down on the chair near the door. She was only a few years younger than him and already you could see a little bit of Derek in her. She looked at him intently but he couldn’t look at her.
    “There is a letter for you. I put it on your bed.” His mother smiled one of her fake smiles that didn’t reach her eyes. Derek couldn’t stand in this awkward room any longer. He mumbled thanks to his mother and stomped up the stairs. Once safely in his room, he dropped his pack on the floor next to the door. He practically leaped for his bed, landing on it with a thud. He felt something crumple against his face. Lifting his head up, he looked at the letter that his mother must have been talking about.
    Derek leaned up and sat on the side of his bed. He picked up the letter and frowned at his name written on the front above his address in messy handwriting.
    Handwriting he recognized.
    Derek clenched his jaw, staring at the words on the envelope, and then he turned his gaze down to a little purple heart in the bottom corner.
    Without thinking, he turned over the envelope and ripped it open. Taking a deep breath, he opened the many pages up to see the same messy handwriting.

    Dear Derek,

    My dear, dear Derek. How are you? What have you been doing? I hope you haven’t been spending your days curled up in your room like you were when your goldfish died. I know you were eight but it’s kind of the same thing. Well, not really because you only had Fred for a couple of days, when you had me for ten years. So I guess it’s more complicated this time.

    If you’re reading this, well, let’s just say there is no way I can be there reading it with you. Although I probably am, you just can’t see me. Remember that time that we tried to make our own ghost finder. That was a very frightening night. You’re such a good actor. I seriously thought that you were being attacked by a ghost. And then you stood up and laughed and I couldn’t be angry at you because I was too worried to be angry. All I could do was hug you. I couldn’t handle the thought of being there without you. And I am so sorry for doing this to you. I didn’t mean to. But know that I love you. You’re my best friend Derek, and always will be. No matter what happens, or happened I should say, to me. I’m always right there. I promise.


    Derek felt his face tense up as a tear fell on his cheek. He quickly closed the letter. He had more to read but he just couldn’t finish it. Not yet. He put the letter back on in the envelope and placed the letter next to a photo he had of Kelly and him. After that, he shoved his head in his pillow, and cried himself to sleep.