• “This is my mission…” I told myself again, I’d told myself this a million times struggling to accept my fate. “This may be my last chance… And I… I want to be able to tell my story…”

    I’ve been so afraid all along, knowing that I was fated to die from the very beginning. That I had to die in order for the world to survive and I wasn’t prepared for that. I wasn’t prepared to leave everything behind; I wasn’t ready to give up everything for the world. Yeah, I’m selfish. I’m so insanely selfish but who wouldn’t be? Who wouldn’t say ‘Why me?’ who would just roll over and accept this fate?

    I’m not sure how much of a story I have to tell, but maybe if I tell you about this world you’ll understand just why I feel so torn between my own selfish desires and this place, so I think it’s best if I start there. This world, this world is sinking. This world, this earth, it doesn’t have much longer until it disappears completely and the toxins below threaten to swallow it up completely. Everyone is going to die. Thing is, I can stop all that, only I have to ‘die’ to do it. Sure, you could argue to me ‘If you don’t save the world you’re going to die anyway, you said everyone will die and that includes you.’ And hey, you’re right, I will die. But it’s not like the world is going to fall right away, I have to do this before it falls, quite a few years before in fact and yet that day is staring me in the face. It’s so close now and I’ve never felt so uncertain of if I should run and hide or just allow it to happen.

    They tell me it feels good you know when I ascend and become that structure… The structure that will allow this land to continue to float, I’ll become as close to a God as possible, holding so many lives in my very hands, even if they transform, they’re still my hands right? But if I don’t do my job… If I don’t die and become that… Everyone dies. So either way, either way I have a choice and yet I don’t want to be the one to make it. I guess it could be said that it was made for me, that since everyone needs me to become that, since everyone needs me to die, I should just die, right?

    But no! What about my life? Why can’t I just live? Love and be happy? I have to give up all that and why should I have to? Why aren’t I allowed to love just like everyone else? If I become that structure I cease to live, I cease to feel, I cease to have this body and then how am I supposed to love anyone? But I guess if I can’t feel… It won’t matter…

    Just… Just what should I do? I’m so scared… I’m so alone… I don’t want to die… I don’t want to know what that feels like… I just want to cry, I just want someone to hold me and tell me that they’ll never forget me… That no matter the choice I make… No matter if I sacrifice myself or not… That they will always cherish me as I am now, is that possible?

    So tell me, what should I do?