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She ran through the snow as fast as she could. Three men were chasing her. There wasn't much she could do, for she was mute, and a girl of only nine years. She was so confused and frightened. Who were these men and why were they chasing her?
She ran for her life. She feared what would happen if she stopped. The trees were dense and the snow heavy, but she made her way swiftly. She dodged trees as she zig-zagged through the forest. She spotted a frozen creek in front of her and jumped over the frozen creek, and hid behind some rocks. They had missed where she had gone.
Through the heavy brush and a blizzard it was hard to see anything. She huddled against the rocks hoping they would not find her. She was only wearing rags and had no home to run to. She wondered why, and cursed herself for not being able to remember. She dismissed the notion. This was no time to day dream.
She could hear the men somewhere near by. As well as their companions. They had search hounds with them. She guessed the only reason they couldn't find her was because of the blizzard. She peered over to check where they were. Not far...not far at all. She stepped back and stepped on a twig, it snapped, and a beam of light appeared on the tree trunk next to her.
She decided to make a run for it; her last shelter was not far from here. She ran through shrubs scraping her arms and legs. She ran around a snowy hill where she had dug her own shelter only a few days ago. It was only three feet high and four feet wide, but it had taken her a long time. Her hand almost got frostbite because of it. She would spend a couple more nights here and then leave to find shelter elsewhere.
She only had a few things, things of which she had stolen from people. Every house she had passed by she tried to scavenge things that she could use to survive. There was a blanket made of wool that she had stolen, which had been hanging on a clothes line to dry. A knife that someone left after they had been fishing. A hair brush someone left outside on their porch table, and a backpack that was thrown in the trash because it had some small holes in it. These were the few items she had. These items she guarded with her life.
She began to pack everything, but her wool blanket and her knife, which she kept with her at all times. Tomorrow she would leave early to hunt and begin looking for another place to sleep. It was too risky sleeping in the same place every night someone was bound to find her.
The next morning she woke up with the sunrise. She tied her wool blanket around her shoulders like a cape, and slung her backpack onto her back. She saw a white hare in the snow; that would be her breakfast. Hares were always difficult to catch. Most times she went hungry.
She tried to sneak up on it but she stepped on a stick, and when it cracked the rabbit went running. She almost began to cry. It had been two days since she had eaten last.
Suddenly the hare was caught in a snare. Someone must have set it, and maybe forgot about it. She quickly ran to fetch it. After getting it down she ran as fast as she could away from the site.
She didn't know how to make a fire. She normally ate the things she caught raw.
She skinned the hare and quickly ate it. She didn't mean to eat it all, but she had gone two days without eating, so she felt deserving to do so. Afterwards she head into town.
After a few hours she arrived in town. She knew a baker that sometimes gave her bread. She would save that for tomorrow.
As she walked by people gave her disgusted looks. It always made her feel bad. She had never belonged and she could not remember her past, or if there were ever people she belonged with. She assumed she was unwanted.
It was not always safe to go into town. She never knew if those people would be
after her again. She tried to stay out of site as much as possible, but it was not always easy.
After a bit she sat at Donkin's Bakery. She went around to the back and scratched at the door. Mr. Donkin opened the door and looked down at the small girl.
"How are you today?" She only smiled.
"That's good. Here take this baguette." She gave him a big grin.
"I can't give anymore bread out until next week. That's seven days." He held up seven fingers, and then motioned his hands to show the sun setting and rising.
She only understood some words, but she doesn't remember anyone teaching her.
"I don't make much money. I may not even be able to keep the bakery open." She gave him a confused look, waved bye, and took off running.
As she was running she tripped over something. She only had one arm to brake her fall. Her left arm was a stub, so she twisted her wrist, and busted one of her knees open when she fell.
A women dressed in white ran up to her. "Are you okay?"
She pulled herself away with one hand.
"It's okay I wont hurt you."
She began to cry, showing her knee to the woman.
The woman picked her up and carried her to the hospital that was a block away.
During the walk she passed out from the pain
- by Danika Miles |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 06/21/2011 |
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- Title: Danika Chapter 1
- Artist: Danika Miles
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Description:
This is the first chapter the story I have been writing.
I wrote this a long time ago and need help fixing it. My biggest problem is I need to figure out how tell the reader about the character's disabilities but I am not sure where to put it in the beginning. There are a few things I need to re-write so if you could give me tip or even show me how you would re-write it, that would be great. - Date: 06/21/2011
- Tags: danika danikastory chapter1danikachapter1 fiction literature
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Comments (5 Comments)
- Danika Miles - 07/03/2011
- Thanx I will try to add more detail like that.
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- Neko-cat of moonlit water - 07/02/2011
- i agree its a verry good story its just...it has a few holes i think. you can tell that theres a really great story in there but it kinda seemed like i was missing part of it. i think more details like how things felt and sounded stuff like that. idk maybe you could try adding something in the beggining or try typing in a few ideas here and there and reread it to see how it looks thats what i do.
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- Arasmus Ash - 06/23/2011
- I loved the story... as far as you problem goes, maybe you could tell people about her stub when she is running through the forest Maybe like this "The Men were after her, but her progress was slow, she ran as fast as she could making way through the branches but she only had one hand, the other was a stub, she didn't even remember what happened to her hand......" Something like that. Hope that helps.
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- Danika Miles - 06/21/2011
- Alright thanx. Yeah many have told me to had more detail. My biggest issue people have with my story is not telling the reader in the beginning that Danika has only one arm... But I am not sure how to re-write it in order to fix it without re-writing my whole story. Anywaz thanx!
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- baka_grizzlyyybear - 06/21/2011
- I like the story concept and it drew me in, but try expanding upon your basic sentances and ideas a little. For example "They had search hounds with them." maybe explain the fear and sounds that the hounds were making, rather than stating they had hounds with them. You have several other parts in your story that could be expanded further; such as when you explain that she could be suffering from froastbite. Draw the audience in and expain how having froastbite felt. Thxs 4 sharing.
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