Which One?

• Artist: Aint No Elvis
• Description: I don't (usually) do poetry,
  
  but I guess I did this time.
• Date: 07/19/2008
• Tags: poem

I want to throw up,
I want to go back.
I lay down on my bed,
drift into the black.
The scream in my ears
doesn't sound like my own
but somehow it has to be
because I am alone.
Flip the switch,
turn on the lights,
stare through the mirror
and into my eyes.
I don't recognize this person
who I have become.
Perhaps it's not me at all
but another someone.
Hair hanging down on
the sides of my face.
Mom said she was proud of me,
Dad thinks I'm a disgrace.
I can't be me
while I'm still "you".
It's the mirror or "myself",
I'll have to choose.
For now, shining tears
slide down the drain
and I can just ignore
the urge to complain.
One of these two
have got to be me.
And I'm forced to decide
which one I want to be.

Comments

[LovesNotReal]

it's like...just awsome though i wish it wasn't so real 2 me

[a peace remaining]

While the emotion is apparent, the rhyme seems incredibly forced and the lack of originality in theme and syntax is apparent. this piece has potential, so keep trying.

[Toastbusters]

I am so utterly lukewarm about this text.
A mundane collection of sentences, assembled into paragraphs.

It lacks adventure.

[Saebella]

this is great! it has so much emotion

[fantasy lane]

wow. it's... wow. 5 stars!

[End~Moraine]

That is rather good. The only thing I can see wrong is that some of the rhyme schemes have odd numbering of syllables.
But that's just me being a poet perfectionist.

[Hekibel]

I like the harsh emotions of it. Really describes what a lot of people are going through or have gone through.