My Dark Heart

• Artist: xXazianboy4Oo
• Description: Here is something I made from the tip of my tongue
• Date: 11/27/2008
• Tags: sunken heart

My heart is like a ship it is falling into a deep abyss.
All I can see is darkness I wouldn't think this is best.
The darkness is far and long it is hard to see you get better and strong.
My heart is weakened I hope my story hasn't ended.
I remember you were my light now that your gone the only thing I see is an eternal night.
My heart is gone and the only thing I see is is the dark dawn.
My heart is dark because of my life but nothing can end my dark and forever strife.
In the dark sky I see a single star I would follow it even if it will go very far.
As the sky gets darker I can't see the any light but the star I follow is beautiful and bright.
If a person sees my light it will never express itself or grow light.
The finale is when I see the light it is the girl I've always liked

Comments

[twinkletoes6]

wow tats beautiful

[DINOSAURS GO MOO]

Aw. It is so...something. xD

[Taju]

wow,that was beautiful

[xXazianboy4Oo]

thank u

[Klaora]

This one is A LOT better than the rest. By, like, a million times. I like the words you use as well as capitalization, correct spelling and grammar. You get another 20 bonus points for actually having rhythm and rhyme. Also another 10 for a good mood transition from the beginning of the poem to the end in such a short amount of time! All I ask is that you fix the run-on sentences. =3 It'll make this so much easier to read. Other than that, I've no complaints or critiques.