• to have a stone rocking within me as i move
    to look upon feelings with envy
    to squeeze music out of my paper fingers
    to hear emotion in sound waves- real emotion
    to whisper (what a girl would whisper to her best friend) into the mirror
    to be a satellite floating in a vacuum outside of Life

    when the fibers of my being were created, sadness was woven into each spiral of future
    i am every colon open parenthesis you type to your girlfriend when you apologize for not making a date
    i am all the days you wish you slept in on
    i am the impulse to stay underwater in the bathtub
    i am the lamp you plugged in but never switched on
    i am the mornings you woke up alone in your own bile
    i am the red of your eyes
    the positive result on the test you sweated over
    the casket you last saw him in
    the cracked skin of your lips from kissing the wrong person too much one winter

    this unhappiness this bloody dress will sell hopes of happiness and live for the rest
    she lives among rotting flesh
    but they’re all smiling
    and it creeps her out
    so she will do her best
    to turn their glazed eyes to the sky she can’t reach