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She was so broken, oh so little
Invisibe in a world of pain
fighting against nobody, trying to survive
She was so lost, oh so little
she hide and cried during the night
escaped from this land
She was so alone, oh so little
But one night she looked up to the sky and she climbed the stars
She reached the sky and flew around the clouds
she smiled, oh so bright
The little girl smiled at last
She is so happy now, oh the little girl
The little girl who reached the sky
Dire Tifa
- Title: The Little Girl
- Artist: Dire tifa
- Description: My first poem to post here ^_^
- Date: 07/25/2012
- Tags: little girl
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Comments (3 Comments)
- flyys - 04/04/2013
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It's cute, but unconvincing. What caused her pain? this isn't answered. Were the stars the only place to go to? I'm not so sure!
Give the reader implied ideas! show not tell!
at least there's change not bad for a first attempt, but poetry this serious can't just pass by with a small remark sad
It needs an extra something i think, but I'm not sure what! - Report As Spam
- flyys - 04/04/2013
- who said poetry needs meter?!? > biggrin
- Report As Spam
- Sera Bryn - 07/27/2012
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there is a grammar mistake: "she *hid and cried during the night"
also, what meter did you use? it comes off more as a prose than poetry - Report As Spam
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