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fake as fake can be, yet not fake at all |
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I think I understand what someone was seeing last year when they said I'm not fake at all. In comparison to everyone else, I'm not fake! Even though almost everything I do is just one big glob of fakeness, it's constant and consistent, so it comes off as real, not fake. At the same time, I do deal with people as I think of them, so it's not all fake, unlike most people I've been stuck around. I can think of two people off the top of my head who are so fake in the way they talk to me, it's sickening. Bitches both, and I wouldn't hesitate to call them that to their faces if the opportunity arose. And it wouldn't hurt either of them, so it's really pointless.
but my goodness. Just at mu alpha theta convention, I saw that the people I thought were actually decent and not completely fake actually ARE fake, even with their own friends, or people they call friends, or WHATEVER. And this is why I'm extremely hesitant to call anyone a friend. I learned that lesson the hard way 10 times over.
yea, great, it's nice for someone to tell me it's cool that I'm not fake (even if that's not entirely true), but I'm still sitting here trying to pretend I'm not going completely insane out of boredom. i don't want to be alone
~
okay, what the hell? This has become the week of coincidences, apparently. "She Walks in Beauty" came up again, this time on TV.
I wonder if I made the right decision the first time or the second time. I've known I'm in love for longer than just a few weeks or months. Last April. I knew, but I forced myself to forget. I didn't want to hurt myself with pointless emotions. I could've said something, but I thought it would be better if I didn't, not then, not ever. So I stopped thinking about it until a few months ago. Once again, there didn't seem to be a point, and I thought it would be better to not say anything at all. Only I decided not to keep it to myself. I just don't know that I should've said.
 nepie · Tue May 13, 2008 @ 04:28pm · 0 Comments |
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