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enough with the nightmares already. |
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There I was, home, in what is both my favorite and my least favorite room. The guest room. It was early morning, darkish, and cool. It had to be late October, or perhaps early November, judging by the light, the clock, and the temperature. I was sitting on the high bed of the trundle beds, and someone was sleeping on the lower one. I couldn't help but gasp when I realized who it was. And perched gently on the edge of the bed was a girl. She had dark hair, messy like she'd just woken up, and thin glasses. I watched with horror as she reached tentatively with one hand towards the sleeping girl. "NO!" I yelled. She jumped and looked up at me.
It was rather disconcerting, looking at the younger version of me. She didn't recognize me, though. I looked too different, I suppose. No glasses and 4 years of change were enough to disguise me.
"What?" she asked innocently, withdrawing her hand.
"What you were about to do. Don't do it."
"Why not?"
"It's wrong."
"She won't know."
"Yea, she will. And even if she didn't, you'd end up telling her anyway. You know that. You know you couldn't keep a secret like that from her."
"And how do you know?" she asked. She sounded dismissive, but I could tell she was a bit scared, as she should well have been.
"Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, saw the movie, played the game, and almost didn't survive. You don't want this."
"What if I do? It's not like she'll hate me forever."
"She might. And even if she doesn't, you will. You'll never be able to look at yourself in the mirror without hating the person looking back at you. Every time you reach out to help someone or to touch someone, you'll remember what those hands did, and it will sicken you. Always."
"I can't be sure of that. Maybe what happened to you won't happen to me. Everything will come out okay in the end." Her eyes shone with bright optimism as she looked up at me.
I wanted to believe her. She seemed so sure of her words. But I knew better, and I had to stop her from making a mistake. "Are you RETARDED!? You think everything could be okay after THAT!?! ARE YOU HIGH OR SOMETHING DEAR LORD YOU ARE AN IDIOT!!!!!!" I screamed.
She blinked at me for a moment. She turned away and gazed at the sleeping girl, letting her hair fall to hide her face from me. For a long moment, neither of us moved or spoke. When she finally turned back to me, her face was calm and collected. I was sure I had convinced her.
"Que sera', sera'. I know in my heart we will be okay again. Love will prevail."
My jaw dropped, and I just stared at her in shock. "You don't love her."
"Not yet. But from the way you're acting, I know you do. And isn't that what kept you alive?" She seemed to know me better than I knew her, though she hadn't recognized me at first.
"Yes, yes it is. But there's so much pain between now and when you realize you're in love. And then it just gets worse. You can't even imagine. You just...please.....please don't do it," I pleaded. She looked at me sadly.
"This discussion is moot. And anyway, isn't it too late for you?"
"But not for you."
"I am you, so it's too late for me, too." With that, she turned away from me.
I tried to move, but I couldn't. I tried to speak, but no sound came out. I watched in horror as she did what I had done. I couldn't close my eyes at all, not even to blink. My vision blurred as the first tears filled my eyes, but it cleared as they overflowed down my face.
I'm not sure at what point I woke up, but my face was wet when I did. I'm sick of nightmares, and I just wish I wouldn't dream at all.
 nepie · Wed Oct 08, 2008 @ 06:02pm · 0 Comments |
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