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im not used to bein able to say anythin whn it cums to talkin bout wat happns at home so its hard to put it inta wrds. most people dnt tink that i have it rough at home but i really do. most of my problems are with my parents. most of the time, its like, they think im nuthin. that im a wrthless piece o s**t that dnt deserve to be breathin. i ws sposed to have a second sister, jennifer. she should be five years older then i am now. but she died an hour after she was born. thing is, a lot of the time, especially around my dad, i feel as if they wish i wsnt thre and jennifer ws. that they wish that i wernt here so that they could have jennifer. and a lot of the time, it feels like they dont really care what happens to me as lng as they can have her back.
evry time i go to skew, or evn go to walk thru the house whn my parents r thre, i put on this mask of 'i dont care about anything and am invincible mask.' i block other people from getting too close because i dnt want to get hurt anymore. cuz evry time i look at my parents and see the disapointment or the loathing or watevr negative emotion is thre for the day, it really hurts. and in a way i am that mask i show other people instead of letting them see my vulnerability. because evr since i started building up this wall when i was six or seven (and stil have now), i havnt bin hurt.....xcept by my parents. time and again. stressed