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Here's the s**t of my life. |
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Four hours of sleep. Three hours of PSAT. Nine hours of homework to do. Six hours tomorrow. Three hours of teaching. One nagging mother: EXERCISE, YOU FAT BUM. Three projects, due the same week. One presentation. One 'YOU B DA TEACHER 4 DAYS PLZ 8D' project. One hacked email. Three hacked (non-gaia) accounts. One broken computer. One faulty internet. One lack of Photoshop. One lack of time.
...one desire to do Nanowrimo.
God - I'm buried; I'm swamped. I'm dead, I'm stupid. Never. Never in my entire life have I come home at 3:30PM from school, dropped my stuff, sat down and done homework for nine hours non-stop -- bringing my dinner into the study room with me. I've never done that without even finishing. At 1AM, I swore in a sailor-ly excess and dropped everything, deciding that sleep was more important. I didn't finish. And I'm not even the type to get distracted by phone or anything. I did nine straight hours of unfettered work. The next day was hell. I was dead. Nothing was completely finished. I got death-glares from the teacher all day.
It's because I'm an absolute idiot, a fool, a brilliant moron. I decided to go into AP US History from Regular History and Government - a non-honors class. Now I have makeup work. A hell's load of makeup work. I'm so goddamn tired, you have no idea. I have more tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. I'm working on four hours of sleep; this morning I had the PSAT [which, admittedly, was singularly the most stupid test - my intelligence was insulted D;. Really -- I'm kidding about the ego, but it was ridiculous.].
It makes it worse that I teach fencing now. I love my job - I really do. The kids are adorable, and I get 240$/month for just 2 hours a week. But I can't handle driving down to where it is [a half an hour], teach for an hour, participate in my own lesson for two more hours, then come home at 10o'clock to finish my homework. It just doesn't work that way. I get come at 3:30 [or later, if I have a club; I'm president of the Science Club and can't miss meetings], then must leave at 5:30 in order to make it to my teaching in time. That's a two hour window to eat and do what I need to do: it's not enough. Not enough at all.
I have projects. Lots of projects. AP Biology: have to Build and Sell and Cell. It's not supposed to be difficult, but because I'm partnered with seniors, they don't really give a care. I'm the only junior. Seniors of my school are so damned irresponsible. They just don't... want to even freaking meet. I can't take it. We then have to present it to the class.
Writing Workshop: Author's Presentation. Research an author's life and present for 40 minutes. Again, I have a partner. Again, that only makes it harder.
Art: I have to redo something I did in class at home, because it only earned me a 87. Can you believe that art is my lowest grade? It's horrific. I don't want to drop, but I will definitely have to in order to keep my GPA. It's my favorite class. That's effed up.
Tech: Reverse Engineer a Gear piece on CAD programs and create a model of Rapid Prototyping Machines. Not too difficult; it just takes too galldarned long. And like I said: I don't have time.
My mother always nags at me to run. My friends always want to meet and run. Look, guys, I don't have time. But it's nothing new.
My email got hacked. A goddamned fourth time. I managed to get it back, but it stressed me out so hard. Legitimately hacked, or phished, or spoofed, but all I know is that I couldn't get in. Which led to some rather difficult problems, as I had been sent teaching requests and school projects by partners.
My computer melted down. It broke. Completely. I lost everything. It happened a few weeks ago, but I'm really feeling the strain of it now. I owe art. I owe a bunch of stuff. My adoptable sets might be gone. I won't find out until mid-November: my dad refuses to buy a new computer until they 'go on effing sale.' I had long-term art projects on there. I had essays on there. I had short stories that I never posted. I have things to scan. The crap-pot I'm working on right now has the faultiest internet I have ever seen in my entire life. It takes ages to load. I can't... I can't take it. I have research effing projects to do! AND THE LIBRARY COMPUTERS ARE ALWAYS FRICKIN' TAKEN.
The only solace I have felt in a long month and a half is from the responses of a particularly brilliant roleplay partner of mine. And now that I cannot respond back as much -- even that has been taken away. [[She's incredible. God, she's incredible. I miss it.]]
And on top of it all: I want to do Nanowrimo. God! Am I not the stupidest person ever? I have a backstory. And I want to do it.
Can't rest. I need it, but I know I'll pay for it later.
Someone say something nice about me. I need an ego trip. No - I lied. I just need someone to hear me.
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TL;DR:
I'm an incoherent mess.
And now I'm off to do more APUSH.
 Sygl · Tue Oct 20, 2009 @ 12:37am · 0 Comments |
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