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The past two days have been stressful. I was planning out my meetup situation with my girlfriend and I was getting so excited until I asked if she was still picking me up. She didn't remember saying she was going to. And so, I didn't have a ride anymore. Panicking, I searched for someone to help but there was no one so I gave up and decided to not go. I was angry at everyone for not understanding and I threw a huge fit over it. Then, a friend said she would send me money via Walmart for gas. I was floored. So with that in mind, I quickly looked for another ride, but on Craigslist. Having only one person message me, they asked me several questions before he stopped responding so I assumed he was asleep. I got everything ready in the morning and texted him before he was supposed to pick me up. He told me $40 isn't worth driving 50 miles and so last minute I had no ride again. My father couldn't take me so I threw a huge fit after searching on facebook, asking all my friends in the surrounding areas for help but alas I was out of luck there.
After putting on a wig, putting on a ton of makeup, and baking banana bread, I could not get my a** to Orlando for 5 hours (how long the meetup was). I cried, constantly telling myself that no one cared, no one understood why this was important, talking to myself and saying that no one was really sorry even though they said they were. I kept asking but no one wanted to help. I was getting angry at everyone, even my girlfriend.
So, after going to Walmart and picking up some food, getting Arby's, and watching a show on Netflix, I calmed down enough to text my girlfriend and talk to her about my feelings, which she forced out of me. I knew everything that had happened wasn't her fault, and it wasn't mine. Her car was broken so she can't drive to see me anymore, it was too late to ask my dad because he drives my sister to work which is 130 miles back and forth, and even though I had gas money, no one will quit their plans for someone else.
After talking to my girlfriend, she made me feel better and I made her feel better. She thought I was still mad at her, but I assured her I wasn't mad, I was just mad at everything else. Which I was, technically. And since everything is going to s**t, both of us don't have jobs and are frantically searching, we're having to stay apart from each other because of the distance. I'd love to drive to see her but I'm not allowed to visit because of my allergies and there are too many people living in her apartment, I don't drive or have a license, and my dad is not willing to drive me that far without gas money and a "yes" to sleeping over which isn't allowed either. It's really complicated but I really want to see her again. Hell, I'd get us a place to live together if I could. I really need this human interaction. I may not like people in general and I hate being in public with lots of people, but I love being close to her, touching her hair and feeling her soft face in my hands. I love sitting next to her and holding her hand. I love just being near her, feeling her presence there with me during whatever daily activity it is. I also love kissing her face, her cheeks are so soft and squishy.
Anyway, that's what has been happening the past couple days. I'm still mad that I was invited to something I couldn't attend, so I told everyone that I don't want to be invited to anything else because I won't have a ride to the events. I'm poor and live too far away from everyone, they understand that. They just don't get I can't go anywhere besides conventions.
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