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Yea, since you check stuff and all that jazz, I'm going to assume you'll be seeing the last few entries, so I'm just going to post one more before I leave, just to be a pain in the a**. And I'm warning you ahead of time, it's a run-on rant, like the other one, which, if you didn't see it, was longer than anything in the world.
I'm betting you saw it.
It's like stupid people! Get a life. Stop moaning about being single and ******** find something else to do. You don't have to be taken to be content with life and have a perfect life, obviously I'm single and it's not HORRIBLE just ******** annoying when other people start talking about their boyfriends and that's when I want to just cover my ears and run away. I can't think of any guys who'd like me at all because well I don't know why, they just don't. I don't see why I mean guys like everyone else, even people like Erin and Amanda and Maura and Jackie, well maybe they don't really like Jackie, but it seems like they all ignore me and go straight for the straightened-hair, ditzy boy-crazy girl and it's annoying cause I can't think of any girls who don't go absolutely stupid around guys like Erin well she's stupid around everyone, so, yea, but I feel like I'm the only sane one and they ignore me. What, is it just that I'm more introverted than most other people and I don't say whaat I want or need to say and that's just too weird for them? It's like, for goodness sakes give me a chance to be me, since I'm not being the person I really am because I'm too scared to say anything at all and when I do say stuff, I immediately want to take it back because I end up screwed, like now with all this s**t and with the A Twins, who I shot some retort at them and now they're a little pissed and I don't give a ********. They're always talking about their boyfriends, so they can go jump off a bridge for all I care, I swear they have a new boyfriend every other week or something, and if they don't their friends do and all that gossip makes me want to hurl because it's not like I will ever be dating someone in the near future, which means the next 5 years. I'm not the kind of girl any guy really wants as his girlfriend, I don't know why, I'm just not maybe I'm too weird or something, maybe I'm too quiet who know, I also don't have crushes often. btw, do you ever look at my post history? Cause if you do, then you probably know more than you are letting on and that really pisses me off, like I don't have enough to deal with. I don't really know any of my friends really well so I shouldn't really trust them but then I don't really know you that well either and never did so why should I trust you? I knew what you wanted me to know even now and that's not enough to trust someone with now is it? I talk too much, I let out my secrets, but I'll never tell anyone else's secrets. I never do, but now with all this stuff about Erin I'm wondering if I should tell someone about what happened with her in 4th grade because it could be very important even if no one knows it even if I didn't know it when she told me in 6th grade you know that's when I heard the term lesbian not being used in a mean way for the first time ever and no not in reference to Erin but I worry I worry oh damn I worry about everyone and everything and I wonder how long it's going to last, how long I have until someone says something that destroys my life and it feels like I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME but I don't know why, it just feels like time is running out and there's not much of it left so I should be livin it up but instead I'm sitting here ranting and talking to you which I probably shouldn't be doing I mean if my mom found out she'd probably flip, even though there is a truce and what-not and we're being nice and all. So would Erin and Amanda would flip over you being nice and all since she basically says you're not very nice and I don't see how you still hate her but don't hate me it makes no sense to me but I'm not you so maybe to you it does make sense. How can you have changed that much? Alot of people say they changed because they found religion or God or got a boyfriend or changed schools or got a new job or something like that but most of that won't happen or hasn't worked for me I mean I've got religion and kind of got God, boyfriend is laughable at this point and new school isn't oging to happen and I don't have a real job that I can get a new one. It's stupid for me to talk out my problems with someone because I'll just lie to them and all that will have been for nothing. I'm too good of a liar and it really isn't good but right now I'm being as honest as I can without betraying my friends like I'm not going to say what Erin said or Amanda even though it does kinda concern you but I'm not going to in the interest of preserving some semblance of sanity in my life. Ha, I love that phrase, some semblance of sanity. Sadly I won't be in any classes with Sara, so we can't torture any teachers but hell, even being in a class with a Sarah and a Sara is a pain for a teacher, so unless we've got Stewart, messing with the teacher will be so great. If it's Stewart, I'll feel a little sorry for her but as long as she doesn't have to write our names out it's cool and this time I'm making sure I've got someone to peer edit with because I was almost in tears last time asking Womble if I could get someone else to look at my paper I swear if I had started crying she might have agreed to it but I didn't but that's okay my wonderful Imperial Hotel paragraph will always live in my heart. Such a story, such a triumph. Oh, must tell you about my story that I wrote and finished in December. It's funny, because some parts are freakishly like what happened after I wrote it, except 2ist century style. Princess Babe ((That's me ^^)) is forgiven by Princess Katabelle ((you >.< wink ) and then it goes south from there with some things and it's funny because in the story, even though Babe likes Prince Thomas ((who's kinda like Patrick)) he doesn't like her back and falls in love with Babe's best friend/sidekick Nickie and then there's this Howie guy who's just strange and spies on everyone adn tries to bring everything down because he hates that Katabelle and Thomas are going to marry but in the end he plans to marry Katabelle and it's all cool. There's other people, like Katabelle's little sister Lissy who is very smart, very tough, and very brave, Thomas's little sister Patricia who is only mentioned. The kingdoms are : Nelia (Babe), Belorum (Katabelle and Lissy), and something that starts with a P (Thomas and Patricia). Now I wrote this ages and ages before anything happened, before all the stuff from February on to now, and it's very much like what's happened. Minus the Howie part and such. And you know, I've known for quite a while that Amanda doesn't like to be involved why, at Rummel she almost always sat on the stairs btwn the cafeteria-turned-art-room and the school building and it was weird in the mornings because she'd sit in the hall near her first class which was by my religion class and sometimes I'd run down the hall with Erin chasing after me when I'd make some funny comment, once or twice comparing her to you in a very interesting way don't remember how but she didn't like being compared to you even though it was nice. Something with her hair once and Amanda looked at us, well me, kinda funny but never said anything except once that she could hear us down the hall. But she never would talk to us for long. Erin tried, I tried, but she never wanted to talk much. But at lunch now, omg she will talk more than me. actually, I am the one thinking wtf? as she and Kim are talking and when they start being mean I hate it and Amanda always knows when she does or says something that reminds me of you because I start smiling I hide my mouth behind my hand and then she sees me and smiles a bit and says "Whaaat?" in a really long way and she turns her head a bit away from me to look out of the corner of her eye I swear it is so funny and I giggle uncontrollably or sometimes I shake my head, get up, and get a snack. But she always knows it's really strange but she always knows when I'm thinking it. Sometimes it's just something she does that's so much like you it's not even funny. There was something something something that I can't remember that was exactly like you it was scary. Sometimes I can see you in her and her in you so well it's like you're best friends except you're not but you do some of the same things that are so much of tiny details that it's strange. Gestures, words, maybe the mention of something that makes me giggle and remember. Like something about Chinese food and I remember Chang's remember? Their food is different from normal Chinese food so naturally it's something to adjust to.
"Can you hear me?"
~nepie
 nepie · Sun Jun 11, 2006 @ 03:19am · 0 Comments |
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