I have this feeling of impending doom, like something is going to mess up in my life and it'll be my fault. I can't seem to shake it off at the moment so I'm attempting to ignore it. Which may I add is very hard since I can't distract myself into my magical world of broken moonbeams and placid lakes. [Not in any way related to Lake Placid the film, cos I don't want no crocs in my head!]
Back into mild 'reality' I have school again tomorrow. Although it's important and I do kinda enjoy it I already know that it will become the bane of my life. The work is going to get increasingly hard and I have never felt so threatened in and English class before. I was always secretly confident in my abilites at english but now, sitting in that classroom I am seriously doubting my own superioty. That again leads me to my thought that no matter how hard we try at anything we're never going to be the best. Some people are drived by that thought, as they want to suceed. The rest dwell on it too much and end up pulling themselves into an endless loop until it becomes so obbsessive that we give up. I find myself inbetween these two extremes but closer to the later. Thanks yet again bipolar and pessimism.
That's another thing that's annoying me, I have to stop blmaing my problems on my mental state of mind. I will never end up getting better without the aid of medication the way I keep blaming everything on them. I guess my target for the next month or so is to try and find more logical reasons behidn my problems and then to try and solve them, yes more logically.
Anyways, back to school. My philosophy group for statrters will bug me to begin with. There are 36 in the group HARDLY ideal for a class at all, let alone an A level class. This is already going to cause problems, but not only that we have 3 lessons of it on a Thursday. I feel sorry for Mrs Quinn since she's the one having to sope with us all,and Miss Billingham. u_u;
Gah, I moan and complain too much. It's a bad trait I have and I can't seem to shift it at all. I'm surprised that people like Chris, who spend the most time with me don't get as irritated as I think. Though Chris did get snappy last night. u_u
I'm hoping the time between us moving in goes quicker. It'll be nice being able to sleep next to someone you know can look after you and protect you. Ok, that sounds terrible and I can't think of the word coming from a 16 year old. But I don't care, feeling like that is something I treasure more than anything and I'm terrified to loose. D:
I'll stop on this kinda talk before I start missing him loads.
Instead I will mention last Thursday. I went to Alex's Air Cadet Squadron's Open Evening. I saw Nick - her current cruch. Now known to me as 'Wax Man'. This coming from his ability to shout extremly loudly and not get a sore or irritated throat. o.o
I also saw 'Blazer' aka Alex's ex William Brazier. His voice is one that gives me the thought of nails on a chalkboard. It's horrible but then again I can't critize too much. I guess there's people out there who would find my voice annoying!
I think I would join Air Cadets, but I can't do the physical whereas the disapline I could hack pretty well with my submissive mind. I still made A;ex laugh, that made me feel good. Even if it was insulting someone I don't know..
Hippocrite much?
I'm not drunk, 'kay?
 HoverCrab · Sun Sep 10, 2006 @ 09:46pm · 0 Comments |
