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Is there another side, Beyond the black and white____? |
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In the simpliest way of saying this, I am lost in myself. [What a great opening to a entry. @_@]
I am struggling to keep a hold on reality and have found myself slipping further and further away. I'm trying to work out whether I am back into my old habits but as of yet am so confused. I'm trying to place the blame on my messed over hormones becuase of the Pill but I can't blame that forever.. not when they settle..
People are saying that there is nothing wrong with me, and how I long to agree with them. I can't say my mind is this empty hole but if I hide under my bed for half an hour because I wanted to hide in the dark.. then I start doubting these claims.
I should go to see my GP, but what would my parents say? i couldn't bear their reactions... I couldn't last time.
I'm so confused in all of this that I don't even know who I am anymore.
I know a few basic things, things that have came as instinct to me.
1. I love Chris still.
2. I don't want to hurt/upset/annoy anyone.
3. I don't want sympathy.
4. I don't want to loose Ross or Alex.
5. I want to show how sorry I am, because of this stae I've let myself fall into.
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Ok, emotional over.
Alex and me are infuriated with certain members of our history class. After making snide comments about almost everyone in our class they picked on Orlin - who is dyslexic. They called him a retard because he spelt a few words wrong on the board. They started on most of the class, including myself saying we were greasy rockers on crack. Seriously: wtf?!
After being bullied throughout my history lessons last year, Alex and me have gone straight to the head of history because they are getting out of order.
That's on top of them asking stupid questions and generally being bitches.
But that's life is it not?
Chris had his self esteem knocked YET AGAIN by people at work - shockingly even both those emo girls. It't not fair how people can't see how bloody attractive he is. I see most peope attractive but I hate seeing the people I care about hurt and upset. Espically by those who are so definatly jealous. scream
QUOTATION OF THE WEEK : "A whirlwind of rage, venom, pasion in peroxide hair and torn lacy dresses." - Courtney Love's mother.
To end with I feel like attacking here with some lyrics.
I just like them at the moment - no real reason why.
Say Anything - “Alive With The Glory of Love”
When I watch you, wanna do you, right where you're standing…yeah.
Right on the foyer, on this dark day, right in plain view…oh, yeah….
Of the whole ghetto, the boot-stomped meadows, but we ignore that, yeah.
You're lovely baby, this war is crazy, I won't let you down…oh, no no….
No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
Oh, no…I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
No, oh no, no, no….
And when our city vast and shitty falls to the Axis, yeah…
They'll search the buildings, collect gold fillings, wallets, and rings…oh, yeah.
But Miss Black Eyeliner, you'd look finer with each day in hiding, oh yeah…
Beneath the wormwood, ooooo, love me so good…
They won't hear us screw away the day.
I'll make you say:
“Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…”
“Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…”
(No, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…
Whoa, no…I won't let them take you, won't let them take you…Hell, no no…)
Our Treblinka is alive with the glory of love….
Treblinka, alive with the glory of love! Yeah!
(Ok, speed it up….Go!)
Should they catch us and dispatch us to those separate WORK camps, yeah.
I'll dream about you, I will not doubt you with the passing of time….Oh, yeah.
Should they kill me, your love will fill me as warm as the bullets, yeah.
I'll know my purpose: this war was worth this. I won't let you down…
No, I won’t….
No, I won’t….
No, I won’t….
(Alive! Alive! Alive with love, alive with love tonight…)
Hell no, no…Whoa, no, I won't let them take you, won't let them take you….Hell, no, no.
No! No!
 HoverCrab · Mon Sep 18, 2006 @ 08:28pm · 1 Comments |
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