felt so terrible in a long time.
It's turned into this sick twist of moods and there's so many causes from only this week that I'm loosing count. I feel terribly useless, stupid and some other words I can't even comprehend at the moment.
Tonight I'm starting to scare myself. I can be crying one moment and then crying while laughing in some disturbingly hysterical manner. In total honestly I don't think my self esteems been pushed down this far before. I mean it's low - no denying that but I'm starting to feel more than plain useless. I feel like I'm nothing.
Now, don't get me wrong I know I am worth something to a few people at the moment but not my family. I've never felt so isolated from them before, first my mom says I didn't deserve the english award I won, then starts on Mrs Godsell for giving Liz the history award. Now shes turned around and said she's not coming to the evening. It's like people aren't taking into account or caring about how I'm feeling right now.
In fact my Dad has expressed no concern at all to do with the fact that I've been bursting into tears or that my mother and I have fallen out big time. I'm starting to doubt whether anyone cares.
Then there's Ross, I have had ENOUGH. Ok, enough of being used as an insult and being made fun of all the time. It's about time I told you it's really putting me down and making me feel worse than I should. Your mean't to be my friend and all you seem to be doing is laughing at me all the time. I'm sick of it. I'm really sick of it at the moment.
I sound so much like an 'emo' kid but I really don't care about anyone else right now. Call me selfish or whatever you damn like. I don't hold any responsibility to anyone but myself and my actions. And if I feel crap then I feel like I have a right to put it whereever I goddamn like.
My chest is hurting. I think it's cos I'm so hurt, upset and angry right now it's been aggrivated too much.. it should calm down.. but if it doesn't then oh well.
In other more cheerful mood.. Alex and me were writing notes to one another all philosophy class today and at one point I did my expression of modern art.. which she read as 'modem' art and thus causing me to create... my masterpeice of the new art style: 'Modem Art'. : D
I need to wash up... and iron... and do loads of other things that I don't feel like doing.
I wonder if I could take a day off tomorrow and get away with it.
Wait, just realised I can't cos I have the doctors tomorrow... maybe now someone can sort me out.. u_u
 HoverCrab · Thu Nov 09, 2006 @ 06:48pm · 1 Comments |
