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Listening to some remixes >.< |
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Blah, this is boring. On the plus side, the computer isn't being slow about it whee It was having a melt-down for the past two days, sadly. I managed to make it work again this morning, right before I had to leave whee
Ah, I now have cool piano music! And I can't wait to play it once whee Sadly, that might have to wait until after MAO. Perhaps. Since I have no chancce of being home alone this week at all. I need to at least start learning it with no one around, since it's a trickly lil thing AND my mom might recognize it. Then she'll be all "oh, that's the song from CSI, right? WHat's it called? who's it by?" etc. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Why should she care. It's pretty, that's all!
Another plus: I now have about half the music I need to put on my darling oldbie. The remixes and 01-02 demos are numerous, though, so it's gonna take onlger than I thought sad Dear me, there's remixes of "Hello"? wow, that's really odd. Most forums ban you from talking about it. You'd think they would have some sort of policy about remixes, too. Whatever.
Well, shuffle issues demand my full attention. Bitchy little computer.
Hmm...that's just one of those things. THe other day, when I was wiped out in english, I thought "that's bitchy" except that I must've said it out loud 'cause Nicole kinda looked at me funny confused I can't recall as to why I was thinking it though. Something..something...gosh darn it, why do I get so confused between things that happened and things I dreamed? It got so much worse recently. At least before I would realize it in time. But now things get so confused in my head. When I saw Kyle the otehr day, it took me forever to realize that I never did talk to him. I almost cried again when I remembered that the dream where I hugged him was just a dream.
And other people just make things more confusing. The worst one, I'm not sure if it really happened or not, but I'm too embarrassed to try to figure it out. It's always happened. I have memories that just never happened. I remember an entire field trip to the zoo when I was in first grade, but my parents tell me that we never went to the zoo in 1st grade. Huh? I remember being out in a grass field near sunset with a dog about the size of me (I was around 3 at the time), yet once again, my parents say that never happened, though we did go visit some friends in Ohio once that had a big dog. But still, to be so convinced that it happened, yet it didn't, that isn't fun. What is real and what is not? A hug, a kiss, a dog, a zoo full of animals? Which are real, which were not? I don't know anymore. What was real? I don't know if September 1st really happened. I don't know if anything ever happened. If it weren't for a few lil things, I don't think I would be sure if last year happened at all. Maybe I made it all up because I just needed to think I was talking to someone. Yet I was, yet I really was.
Especially since now, I don't think in terms of sort of "discussing with person who doesn't exist." I think of how I would write things here. Um, I think that's a very bad thing. Because if I had followed my usual way of behaving, I would've shut down my Gaia account and gone to a completely different account. I would hide away at school. I would be way different. It's almost like...it's almost like I really did...I need to think about this...something's not right upstairs, so either I'm confused or I'm...*swallows* crap. this cannot be good.
Damn, what is up with that?
~nepie
 nepie · Sun Mar 25, 2007 @ 11:03pm · 0 Comments |
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