• One of my mom’s friends has a daughter who’s 12. Being 14, and two years ahead of her in school, we’ve never really been close friends. I know who she is, and basically say hi to her if I see her, but beyond that, we’ve never really spent much time together.

    My mom’s friend needed to be out of town for a few days, and Eliza was going to be home alone. Her mom wasn’t thrilled about that, but knew Eliza would protest having a ‘babysitter,’ so her mom and my mom persuaded me into ‘hanging out’ with Eliza. Really, I was babysitting, and because she and I weren’t really close, that’s really what I felt I was going to be doing.

    Next thing I know, I’m sitting at Eliza’s house, staring at the TV while some woman on ‘The Price is Right’ jumps around after winning a dining room set.

    “Hey, Lauren, wanna go swimming?”

    Eliza had long, blonde hair, and for someone who’s 12, a pretty good figure. She was on the thin side, but was developing a small chest, and she stood there in her 2-piece bathing suit, obviously hoping I would agree to go in their new pool.

    “Yeah, all right.”

    Before I knew it, she was out the door, and I changed quickly and went out to join her. The family had just installed an in-ground swimming pool, in a funny shape like a kidney bean. At one spot a sheet of water cascaded along this glass ledge and then streamed into the pool like a waterfall. It was amazing. At my house, when it got hot, my mom turned the sprinkler on. This was definitely better.

    Over the course of the afternoon, Eliza and I got to be better friends, laughing about boys and talking about school, comparing teachers, pretending that our moms led ‘secret lives’ where they turned into these biker chicks and then back to housewives when they came home.

    “Lauren, pretend you’re trying to kill me.”

    “Why?”

    “I don’t know, ‘cuz you’re mad at me for some reason.”

    “But I’m not.. oh, it’s a GAME.. Yeah, I’m gonna get you!”

    I lunged toward her and she giggled and ran, as best she could in 4 feet of water. I caught up to her and started getting into this game.

    “Take a big breath, honey, ‘cuz you’re going under!”

    She inhaled deeply and I pushed her head down below the surface. After a few seconds, I let go, but she stayed down. Puzzled, I grabbed her arm and pulled her back up.

    “What are you doing?”

    “You were holding me under.”

    “Yeah, but I let go.”

    “Yeah, but you let go too soon. Hold me under until I tap your leg. Seriously, just do it.”

    “All right, you know what you’re getting into!”

    She took a huge breath and again I pushed her head under. This time she wanted it longer, so I repositioned my arms on her shoulders. She started flailing her arms around, and I thought something was wrong. Again I pulled her back up.

    “Lauren, you didn’t wait for me to tap your legs!”

    “Yeah, but you were like struggling.”

    “Lauren, just, like, trust me. It’s cool to be underwater for a long time. I do it all the time. Just hold me under, and even if I pretend to try to come up, hold me there until I give you ‘the signal,’ you know, tap your legs. It’s just a game, get it?”

    I started to wonder why Eliza was so obsessed with being held under. I knew a few guys that used to hold each other under, but I guess I never thought much of it.

    I decided to really play along, and I would give her, her fantasy.

    She inhaled deeply again and I pushed her under, again pushing down on her shoulders as she started ‘struggling.’ I recognized this as part of the game, and although she tried to surface, I kept repositioning my hands to keep her body underwater.

    Almost a minute had gone by, and I was starting to get into this game. It felt cool to be in control of someone, like she was at my command. I felt her tap on my legs, but momentarily forgot that that was the signal. Her body turned around and she tried coming up, but right before she surfaced, I put my right hand in the middle of her chest and my left hand on her stomach. I pushed her down, and she started fighting harder to surface.

    I got lost in the game, in the feeling of controlling this girl, and started getting turned on as she got more violent, trying to reach the surface. She started slowing down, and I figured she was pretending that I was winning. She almost reached the surface again, and I kept her head from coming up. She looked up at me with terror in her eyes, and her mouth opened.

    Suddenly her eyes rolled back and her whole body started convulsing. It snapped me back to reality, and I let go of her. I watched as her body bucked and moved involuntarily inches below the surface. As her chest started heaving, I realized Eliza was drowning.

    I quickly pulled her up, but her body became a dead weight. She wasn’t that heavy, and I managed to get her over to the stairs, and pulled her body up onto the side of the pool.

    “Eliza? holy s**t! Oh my God, I’m so sorry!”

    I looked at her lifeless body, and knew I had to save her.

    We’ve watched CPR videos a thousand times in health class, practiced on the ‘Annie’ dolls, but nothing prepared you for real life. This was a real person in front of me, and worse, I caused this. I stupidly missed the sign that she needed air. I got so caught up in the game, I forced her to drown.

    I quickly but hesitantly lifted her chin up, pinched her nose, and sealed my mouth over hers. I couldn’t believe I was actually going to do this. I breathed in, but her cheeks puffed out, and I felt some of my air escape between our mouths. I tried again, but I couldn’t get air in.

    In desperation, I started CPR anyway. It was the only thing I knew to do next. I had a hard time placing my hands just right, because it felt like I was going to be touching one of her breasts. I tried to push down in the very center of her chest, but after pushing down once, I got freaked out because I was afraid her ribcage would collapse.

    If there’s water in her lungs, I thought, I can’t give her air. We had watched one video where the kid did the Heimlich on the other kid, and the water came out, so quickly I straddled Eliza’s hips, and started pushing down into her stomach. After 5 thrusts, water started trickling from her mouth. I kept pushing down, and more water came out. I forgot to lean her head to one side, though, and I could hear the water gurgling back in her throat.

    I pushed her head sideways, pumped down again, and water started gushing out. I pushed down a few more times, until the water stopped, then I went back to try CPR again.

    Chin up, head back, pinch nose, blow in.. it was more natural now, and I exhaled twice deeply, and saw her chest rising. I started compressions on her chest. “12,13,14,15” Two breaths. Checked to see if she was breathing on her own.

    I started compressions again, and then exhaled into her body once, then twice. The second time she started sucking precious air into her lungs, and she made the most god-awful sound as she gasped and struggled for air. Finally she was breathing more normally, and I sat back, exhausted.

    How was I going to explain this? How was I going to tell her what happened? Gee, Eliza, I was getting excited holding you under and made you almost drown. No, that wouldn’t work. My mind was racing. What’s my mom gonna say? What’s HER mom gonna say?

    Still lying on her back, Eliza turned and faced me. I gave her a nervous smile.

    “Oh my God, Lauren ? that was SO amazing!”

    I stared at her.

    “Holy crap! I never thought it could be THAT good!”

    “Eliza?”

    “Seriously, that was SO amazing! Did you have to actually give me CPR?”

    I was in shock. This girl was thrilled at what just happened, and I felt as if I was going to throw up.

    That evening after the pizza delivery guy came, we started talking about what happened, and she revealed to me that she secretly loved being held underwater, and always fantasized about getting CPR.

    “Eliza, that’s like, - weird.”

    “Yeah, well, I know, I guess, but, still, Lauren it was SO amazing with you holding me under, and the more I struggled the more you pushed me down, just like I wanted.”

    “But, I missed the signal, you know, the tapping on my leg.”

    “Yeah, but that made it exciting, because then it seemed so much more real, like you were really trying to drown me. Oh man, I’ve never felt like that. It was SO cool.”

    “So you’re ‘OK’ with this whole thing?”

    “Yeah, why not?”

    “Eliza, I had to give you CPR like 20 times! I thought you were going to die. Like, you ALMOST died! I mean, that’s a weird fantasy.”

    She stared at the wall. “You’re going to tell my mom, aren’t you?”

    I didn’t want to tell anyone, to be truthful. I looked at her, and she had a pleading in her eyes, like she didn’t want this secret to be revealed.

    “Lauren, this can be, you know, like, -our- thing.”

    I walked into the kitchen to get a soda. I didn’t know what to think.