Ashes

• Artist: SuchSweetSorrows
• Description: .....comment?
• Date: 05/28/2010
• Tags: ashes

ashes fall like rain
drowning you
then the bombs drop
and the little ones cry,
poison fills our lungs
one by one we all die.....

Comments

[SuchSweetSorrows]

thankss daarlin

[Oreos_areGewd]

this is so good smile

[SuchSweetSorrows]

thanks smile

[lucky_chan1789]

simple....simply excellent C;

[SuchSweetSorrows]

thanks for the imput I'll take it into consideration smile

[White Apple Fox]

I like this. I think the second line could be improved. Ashes make me think of snow and not water so for me I cant get a clear immage. if you use the ashes as snow you can link the immage to the deadly winter, end of spring(life). You can also relate snow to the quiet before a bomb hits because they fall silently. the sound of a bomb would then have more impact. It's a good start. You can do a lot with this poem.