Anonymous: um i want u to tell me what u think about my about me in a minute k?
Me: You as a person, how you look...??
Anonymous: no i wrote something
Me: Ohhhh... Ok
Anonymous: ok go look
Me: Kaa
Anonymous: its sad
Anonymous: it made me cry writing it
Me: On your profile?
Anonymous: yea
What she had written: People always seem to have to deal with heartbreaking yet somehow powerful situtaions. I know you're not coming back. But I miss you more than anyone I know. Nothing's going to be the same without you. I lost my muse. My brother, the person who made me a better person. I miss you. I can cry and I can scream and I can hope and I can pray you'll come back but you won't. It's sad. I talk to you everyday even though you don't talk back. I know you can hear me though. Nothing's the same without you. I lost a part of me. I'll never get it back. I'm ******** up. I know that. People don't have to point it out. I made mistakes. But that's what they were. I wish I'd of called you that day to tell you I loved you. And I that I missed you. But I didn't. I keep asking why you did it but nobody has any answers for me. I want to bring you back. I want to hug you and I want to hear you say you love me. I miss you and I miss you and I miss you but I don't get over it. I need you. You weren't supposed to leave us yet. You were our angel. The reason many of us are still alive. But you're not. And I can't shake the feeling nothings going to be alright. You saved me from death but I couldn't save you. I miss you C____. I love you. And I'll never forget you. I just wish you didn't have to go.
Me: <3 I'm not allowed to say sorry
Anonymous: what do u think?
Anonymous: thats how im feeling
Me: It's what you think, & it's what you feel. It is what it is. I can't tell you otherwise.
Anonymous: do u think people can relate to it?
Anonymous: did you?
Me: If they have person that they care very much for, then yes.
Me: have a person*
Anonymous: did u relate to it?
Me: In a sense
Anonymous: i still cant deal with it
Me: I'm sorry, hun. Idk what to do for you.
Anonymous: nobody does
Me: You could talk to my cousin D___ about K_____.
Anonymous: but its not K_____
Me: No, but K_____ was to D___ like C____ was to you. You could ask her how she dealt.
Anonymous: people say time but time only makes it worse
Me: ...
Anonymous: it does its harder everyday i forgot what he sounds like
Anonymous: i forgot what he smelled like
Anonymous: im forgetting him
Me: I know what you mean...
Anonymous: i dont want to forget him
Anonymous: i cant
Me: No one's saying you have to
Anonymous: but in my mind i am
Me: Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget?
Anonymous: in the middle
Me: Well... If I was you, I would gather up everything that reminded me of him, get some candles & incsense, go to the woods, set all the things down, light the candles & stuff, and just remember him. Just sit & think of all the good things and all the things you loved about him. Just let yourself cry, let yourself remember, but in the end you have to say to yourself "I know you're gone, I know you aren't coming back. I will always love you, I will always miss you. But I have to let go too."
Anonymous: but thats the thing. im not ready to let go
Me: You have to, though.
Me: Nothing will change or get better if you don't
Anonymous: i just..cant.
Me: Letting go doesn't mean you have to forget him, take him out of your life & mind completely, it just means that you have to come to terms with the fact that he isn't here anymore.
Anonymous:but i want him here
Me: I know you do. I know. But he can't be. But he'll always be in your mind & your heart.
Anonymous: its not good enough i need him more than anything
Me: *Sigh* Hun, idk what to say. All you can do is try to come to terms with it.
Anonymous: but hes gone
Anonymous: and i needed him
Me: I know, but you have so many other people that you can come to if you need help.
Anonymous: i know but it was C____ if like id of called or something
Me: ... You have to come to terms somehow, eventually.
Anonymous: i know
Me: Go to his grave & talk to him
Anonymous: i cant. hes cremated
Me: Go to where he's spread.
Anonymous: we havent spread him
Me: Then you need to. That will help.
Anonymous: its up to my aunt
Me: Tell your Mom to talk to her about it then.
Anonymous: but like i dont want him to go yet
Me: You HAVE to let him go. I know you don't want to, & I know it's hard, but you have to.
Anonymous: but ive already lost him once and in my min dim losing him again and its killing me
Me: But you aren't losing him. He'll always be there. We spread K_____'s ashes in the river. Maybe you could spread his at your river, so then he'll always be near you.
Anonymous: my aunt has them not me
Me: Try to convince her to do that.
Anonymous: no way
Me: Why not?
Anonymous: when shes ready shell spread them
Me: *Sigh* Well I think that'd be the best way to help let him go.
Anonymous: like when i was in the backseat and he was in a book bag i just couldnt figure out how they got much soul in there
Me: ...
Anonymous: he had alot of heart and he wanted to save everyone
Me: So, what would he think if he saw you like this? Would he want you to be so sad? No. He'd want you to move on with your life.
Anonymous: i know
Me: So don't disappoint him.
Anonymous: he disappointed me
Me: & I'm sure he would regret it with all of his soul.
Anonymous: then whyd he shoot himself?
Me: He was drunk. People do stupid things when they're drunk.
Anonymous: but this was beyond stupid. he was only 22
Me: Well, you can't change the fact that he did what he did. But you can't let it control your life.
Me: You can't do what he did.
Anonymous: i know
Me: It's sad, it's horrible, it sucks, I know. But shitty things happen in life, and you can't change that. You can feel sad, you can cry, but you have to learn to get over it & move on.
Anonymous: maybe
Me: No, not maybe. Yes.
Anonymous: yes
Me: There you go.
Me: You can get through it, I know you can, & I know you will.
Anonymous: i can try
Me: You will.
Me: *Offers hug*
Anonymous: yea
Me: Very good then. *HUG!*
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~Enjoy~
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The Original Lola Mae
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