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In The Rain (Short Stories based on Losing Kattitina) |
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Even when /this moment ends, / can't let go this feeling. / Everything / will come / again / in the sound, / falling down, / of the sky as it cries. / Hear my name in the rain.
The Rain makes a pitter patter sound to most people, and tears make the same sound because most people think that the sky cries with the same sound as human tears. I hear the sky say Kattitina's name.
"Kattitina, where are you? Kattitina, why aren't you here?" The rain calls. And I am torn, because the sky won't let me say I am Kattitina.
"I'm here. I'm here! Sky, Rain, it is I. I am Kattitina." The sky continues to cry for Kattitina. I fear, for who am I if not Kattitina. "Sky, why won't you listen to me?" I plea, "I am Kattitina. Don't you believe me." But the sky cries.
"Where has Kattitina gone. Kattitina plays in the rain no matter what time or hour. Where is my Lady." The sky cries, and cries. But Kattitina never answers.
"I am, I am. I am Kattitina." I wisper to myself. "If I'm not Kattitina, then who am I?" But the Sky doesn't answer.
Winter lies before me / now you're so far away. / In the darkness of my dreaming / the light of you will stay
It's fall now, and winter is fast approching. It seems so long ago that I lost you. But some times, in our dark dreams I see you in a purple light, because your favorite color was purple, and you say to me, "I am with you." Oh Kattitina, I want to be with you. I want to be you. But, I'll have to just keep you with me.
How I remember sleepless nights / when we would read by candlelight, / and on/ the windowpane outside / a new world made of snow; / a million feathers falling down, / a million stars that touch the ground, / so many secrets to be found / amid the falling snow.
Kattitina, do you remember all those stories we read when we couldn't sleep? All those fairy tales, in the light of the Christmas Candles. Or those stories we read when it snowed. How about when it was windy, or cold. All those summer stories too. We didn't like the snow, it was pretty but too cold. And there are secretes in the snow? Do you remember them.
"I have a secrete." I would tell you. You'd look at me and smile, and I knew you knew it. Because if I knew it you knew it too.
Cleo was Cleopatra Cali the calico cat, and By the Window was a deleted story in first person veiw about a girl is Starbucks playing checkers with coins and doing math with 20-sided dice. Ends-Beginning always was and always will be our greatest work and Tomorrow didn't seem to far when we played Adventure Quest.
And it was about the time that I made sure you knew, although you always knew, that you disapeared into thin air because you were never there. I left it unsaid, because without you, I wasn't there either.
As I walk there before me a shadow / from another world, where no other can follow. / carry me to my own, to where I can cross over... / close to home - I cannot say. / close to home feeling so far away.
A Shadow of myself is myself, and I am Kattitina, but I can explain it the other way. Kattitina is my shadow, and I am hers, because she lived in her own world, and I lived in our world, and we lived in the worlds together. She carried me to her world, no one else could go there like I could.
"You'll like it in my world." She had said the first time she took me there. And I did like it. I loved it in fact. "It's magical and scientific, isn't it." She said smiling as I had looked around. I felt like I was home, but I wan't totally home. I felt distanced from everyone.
"Kattitina, why don't I feel like I belong?" I had asked her. Her smiled had vanished at she looked back at her world.
"Because you don't belong in your world, I can't belong in my world, making it so you can't belong in my world either."
I didn't understand until later. As my shadow where ever I didn't fit in, she didn't belong. And if she couldn't belong in my world she couldn't fit in, in her world. I cried, because I wanted to fit in my world so I could belong in her world.
One day, one night one moment / With a dream to be leaving / One step, one fall, one falter / Find a new world across a wide ocean / This way became my journey / This day brings together / Far and Away
It doesn't matter what time it was that we were together, we were one then and we made the most of it. And we made memories of it. But now those times are gone, Kattitina. Our dreams, slowly they are slipping from our hold and we are soon to be left wihout them. We fell, our punishment for faltering, and now there is me, and I can't find you. Are you in a new land, where I can't reach you across the ocean? I want to meet again. Remeber what you used to say to me.
"Journey to your hearts contintent with a quest worth risking your life for." You smiled and looked someplace I couldn't see. Far and away, like you are now. I wonder, do you ever want to come home. You always were far away from me when you wanted to be. Will you want to return to me?
Are my stories of Kattitina true? You would never know because you never knew. But the first, could be seen as me pleading to the admin to believe I am Kattitina and them not accepting it. The second would be how I felt I lost a part of me that will forever remain with me. The third is everything we did together that was for both of us, and our secretes that made us one or we were not there at all. The forth would be about how we never fit in in Kattitina's world or in my world, because no one really cared for us. The last, is our seperation, I don't know where Kattitina is because we fell apart and she went far and away although she didn't hate me.
Telling Stories that might not be real.
Two in one,
Kattitina as Tanith Tainted Hope.
 Tanith Tainted Hope · Sat Sep 15, 2007 @ 04:34am · 0 Comments |
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