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ok, on saturday dec. 22... my mom was actually happy. very weird by the way. but anyways, i had dyed my hair, and it didnt come out very well, so my mother was going to help me re-do it. my mom was cleaning the bathroom and getting the hair stuff ready, while i decided to take a quick nap. i had later woken up to my mother barging in my room screaming at me to call my father. (i decided i wasnt going to be speaking to him, a long time ago) and i was like wwhhaa then she was telling me if you dont call him for this month's rent then we wont get it. YOU need to call him and tell him YOU dont want to speak to him. and that if YOU dont, then he wont stop calling. and i tried explaining that i dont need to call my dad, and that she could do it herself. its alot harder to forget someone that you grew up with, by communicating with them every day. i finally ended up losing and saying fine. i'll call the b*****d if you get out of my room and let me speak to him in privacy. then that got her mad, and just sat there. ugh! god she is such a jerk!! so i went into the comp. room and called him. i told him look, i really dont want to be talking to you, but i have to. i shall call you when i feel the need. (ok, i got that done) then i told him about the stupid money, and thats when my mom came in screaming. and thats when i snapped. omg, i was screaming!!! i was just like get the f*** out of here!!!!! did you not understand that i would call the b*****d for you if you werent around?!?!?!? and that made her leave. (my god, i was pissed!) so i told him, i would call him when I am ready. and that was the phone call.
(sorry this is so long)
and she was of course standing RIGHT outside the door listening to everything i said. i mean, i had nothing to hide, but then she "thought" she heard "i love you daddy, i want to live with you and Christina more than mom! i miss you soo much!! *little girls high pitched voice* omg.............................im sorry, but WWWWWWWTTTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!?! i got SUPPEEERRRRRR pissed and after that, she was screaming at me to "get the f*** out of her life, she doesnt want another liar in her house, and she doesnt care if i go live on the streets, just as long as i was away from her!" so my reaction was "fine"

so i took a QUICK shower, cussed both my mother and my aunt/ uncle out..got some random clothes, the house keys, oh! and i HAD to take Eclipse. (no i cannot survive w/out stephanie meyer) and i sprinted down the street and over the overpass. (man, i wish i hadnt of done that, running from my house, to where ever i was going, was HARRDD!!!) my uncle had stopped me at the very bottom, and told me i needed to go back home and appologize to my mother! i went NUTS!!!!! i started cussing him out, like you wont believe!!!!! i went crazy on his a**. but ANYWAYS i took off running again and decided to go to kim's house. (my best friend in the wwhhoollee world..who lives by southwest...kinda far where i live.) and just ran. that night was rough. i didnt really know what i was going to do, so my sister had said for me to go w/ my dad. i didnt want to, but
it was kinda the only place i had to go. (may i remind you that my "family" doesnt really care what i do, or who i AM) so my friends were the only ones to turn to. and that didnt work. the next morning he was SUPPOSED to pick me up....but he didnt. i guess "yard work" was just wwaaayyyy tooo important for him. my mom was calling to pick me up, and i was like "ugh, no" (she had called all of my friends and asked if i was around. she finally went over to kims place, and found me there. so i was pretty much finished.)
(omg, sorry this is so long!!!!!!!!!)
and thennn, my dad had more important things to do so he took me back home. i had nowhere else to go, and i thought my "father" could lend me a hand. well, i guess he couldnt. and now im just here..home with the family who doesnt care what my purpose in life is. and with a mother who "says shes sorry" but i know she doesnt care either. and idk.................running away didnt help any. living with my sister seems impossible... so i have just been feeling like you know, what if i was gone? would anybody care? would anyone even notice i had left? so yeah...i have yet found my purpose......but it better be freakin good after all the s**t ive gone through!!!!!!! ********!