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narcolepsy - awake and dreaming |
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Life is surreal-- my life is one of duality, the simultaneous experience of being both awake and dreaming, due to intrusion of REM-sleep into waking moments.
As a Pisces, it has seemed fitting to some that I have narcolepsy -- the 12th sign, the perpetual dreamer and idealist. This avatar represents traditional Pisces symbols and aspects, as well as some of my personal interpretations.
Pisces is symbolically two fish [Western Zodiac Pisces position], swimming in opposite directions, tied together by a thin cord.
It is a feminine sign, associated with the moon and its influence over the oceans and tides. Femininity is traditionally mysterious [Hermes Moon, Veris stage] and the emerging, unfolding mysteries of the evolving item coming out of the moon are further symbolic of birth, a feminine process. The Veris stage/position also reminded me strongly of ‘unfolding’ – bringing to mind e.e. cummings’ poem “somewhere I have never traveled” and in homage, I have included the rose wrist corsage.
Pisces, as a water sign, I have further represented by both the seashell hair ornaments [Aquatica, Sea Jewels position] and the various forms of water and stages of the water cycle – evaporation [Elemental Hair, Essence of Wind position], condensation [Cloud], and precipitation [Let it Snow]. Snow I include both as a nod to the time of year the astrological sign spans in the Northern hemisphere, as well as my deep love and appreciation for ice and snow in general.
The cloud was chosen for its association with dreaminess, further represented by the marble skin [Masterpieces, David w/o hair position] and tattered dress [Drop Dead Gorgeous Moonlight Gown], to underscore otherworldly/spiritual connection sometimes attributed to Pisces.
Doves [Gift of the Goddess, Athena’s Enlightened Cape] both represent the desire for peace and harmony, compassion and understanding, as well as the dislike of confinement – wanting to be ‘free as a bird’.
Pisces, due to the dreamy qualities, are sometimes considered to be an artistic/expressive sign, which is the reason for the Van Gogh scarf [Masterpieces, Bright Starry Night Scarf position], as well as my day-night cycle generally favoring night as waking portion of my day.
Finally, the two different eye pieces signify the conflicting perspectives of the world experienced when considering both the rational/logical/technical and emotional/unseen/spiritual/intuitive/creative aspects simultaneously, through the experience of being able to be awake and dreaming. Somewhat similar is lucid dreaming [being aware within the dream of being involved in the process of dreaming], delirium of a fever is also somewhat akin to the experience, due to at times getting caught up in emotion without logic – it has been suggested that for an ordinary person to truly understand what it is like to be narcoleptic, they would need to remain awake for 3 days straight – and then function for the next few days in that state. However, this may not entirely be accurate, due to the sensation of cumulative effect of the past 10 years of not getting restful sleep – someone trying to mimic the experience has the knowledge that this is something they have induced, that they can experience restful sleep at some point in the not-distant future.
For me, avatar creation can be a deeply meditative process, considering as I go along what appeals to me and why it does, what visually works while cognitively causing discord due to conflicting meanings and interpretations.
The one thing that I regret with this avatar is that the cloud [to me] really needs to be flipped horizontally, in order to continue the flow created by the hair and scarf, creating with the moon a figure-8. While it already does to some extent, it would be more visually pleasing if the cloud flowed from right to left rather than left to right -- I realize that the avatar already causes a mental disconnect, in terms of the hair and scarf flowing in opposite directions, but this was intended as homage to the Pisces symbol itself of the fish tied together but swimming in opposite directions.
 amalyn · Mon Feb 04, 2008 @ 06:05am · 0 Comments |
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