Hindsight is a wonderfuly ironic thing. It's never present during an event, nor when you're reacting to said event. But as soon as you cross the threshhold, where your reaction to said event cannot be undone in any way, you realise every single mistake you made in your judgement.
I have alientated a friend, because of my need to be with someone. I developed feelings for her in secret. Over time, they festered in my mental body, like a cancer of emotions. It eventually came to overshadow and seep through in every thought that I had.
This led me to act irrationally and with clouded judgement. I took a risk, at an inopprotune moment. It's led to an extremely thick layer of akwardness, when we're around eachother.
I firmly belive who we fall in love with is determined by something other than our own will. Love is the best, and worst emotion I've have ever experienced. It has to power to create and inspire. Or; the power to destroy, and dismantle.
Now a message for whom this entire story was about; should she be reading it:
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I'm sorry for the way I told you. I'm sorry I feel the way I do. I understand if you don't feel the same. I just hope you'll still be a friend to me.
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Vainamonien
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