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well...I guess I'm going to start by saying....grab a chair and don't take it too personal if I say something that will offend you.....


well....I've been one of 3 children raised by a single mother. My mom use to smoke all through my childhood and that actually got me to start smoking when I was young....I started again but quit......I've been dealing with the life long stress that school leaves....I've been in fights at school...mainly trying to keep people from talking about my mother....got in my first fight cause a kid called my mom a fat a** b***h who would suck his d**k for a nickel.....I was 7 so it pissed me off and I took his a** down....we both got in trouble and yeah.....next fight...I was 12....kid was talking s**t about my mom....didn't care much cause I've really grown apart from her...I really hated her guts then...always causing me more stress than I needed....well he started talking s**t about the girl I liked....the person who I trusted most...this was before my new best friend Willow (btw Love ya Willow) well...he started saying a whole bunch of crap about her and that made her cry...and I was pissed....so I went and kicked the kids a**...and when the teachers came to break it up...he already had a broken nose...and my friend stepped in to take the blame...told the teachers that he punched him in the face and I was holding him down so nothing would happen......well...besides that......moving on to more recent things....I started high school 3yrs ago...more stress than ever in my life...family problems included....my friends left me my freshman year....made new friends 9th and 10th grade....hung out with little brother 11th grade, left his group this year for a different group and now he brought his idiots over to my group. well....more problems...I have my brother more in tuned with drugs and everything that can kill him....but I can't do anything to make him stop and that really sucks....we've been having a lot more fights...have the bruised bones and broken walls to prove it.....I started smoking again for a short while...Hiding it all from my friends (not weed.....Cigarettes) and yeah....lots more stress.....I keep losing my friends over and over again...nothing to do with smoking!...My life got better a little while after I met willow in the 10th grade....i was happy...I actually went on my first date with willow....too bad both of us were taken.....by the time Willow had to move....the month before we both ended up being single....but she had a crush on my friend Kyle that I've known since I was 5....well I backed off cause he had a crush on her too...after I introduced them...(I have a thing about going after a girl my friend is after...)...well I also got to meet her sister....who I had a crush on..but I only ended up having that crush because she liked my best friend and he liked her.....well nothing happened between them because she happened to have that boyfriend still XD. well shortly after that kyle got a gf and willow broke up with hers....I had the chance...I had every chance to be with her.....but I was too scared to ask...I can't take being turned down...it just hurts me more than it should.....well...2 years ago on the 25 of December....my new best friend....the one that I felt I loved since I met.....Willow moved away.....we still keep in touch and still care dearly for each other....but not being able to see her as much anymore has been killing me....every time I see her I'm happier....I can't understand how time goes so slow with her there with me....but I love it and I wish it could be forever before she has to go.....but when she finally has to go....my head is spinning, I can't sit still...I can't move, I can't think, I can't do anything because I get this big headache....thinking that "hey this is the last time you're going to see her....she's going to walk out of your life just like everybody else....ask her out....you love her and she loves you...keep her in your life by doing this....do it now!!" but I can't work up the courage....I may be able to tell her anything and do anything for or with her.....but I can hardly work up the nerve or the courage to ask somebody so great....to go out with me...she's so great...I'd just be holding her back....but back to things....lately I've been wanting to smoke again...but trying to keep that off of me again...its hard to quit when you start......well I've also been dropping alcohol and I've been drinking since I was 5....so you understand that its hard....I've cut back to about...2-4 drinks, every once a week. usually just ends up being 1 because I don't want to be like my family.....my little brother just won't shut his mouth, owes me lots of money, owes my mom lots of money....older brother just can't seem to keep his mouth to his own damn self....in ******** debt to my mom and talks about me paying him back when I don't owe him s**t.....My stress has been mainly on school because of my teachers....the work I do isn't good enough so why do ******** work at all? I'm in my final year of school and I'll be out of school come May 30th....well..thanks to my teachers thinking my work isn't good enough.....I have to stay in school till next December...and If I fail a class now...I'm there the entire year which won't be good for me and I'll just drop my a** out if that happens......I'm under a lot of stress....with helping my friends out which I will never stop doing....from getting denied and told that my work isn't good enough for a class and actually trying to help myself.....the first two...just icing on the proverbial cake.....My life is my hell....all the things I wish I could do....all the things I'll never do.....sometimes its just good to be open...to share my life....especially to those close to me.......Willow....Connie.....Ayla.....Amy....Steph......all you others.....those of you who care about me....and you all better know...I care about you no matter how much I may seem mad at you...or anything...you're my friends...and I do it because I care and you did something wrong......that you mean a lot to me...and I'm very sorry if this disturbs you a little.....

thats all I'll say for tonight...I hope you understand me more....I know that I'll never understand you till you open up what you've been hiding
Bye everybody