I think of love too much. And after having a one-sided conversation with my mother and a day at school, I decided to step away from Hunter. Being near him isn't intoxicating anymore, it's more... hurtful. It's really because Hunter keeps showing so much affection to Amanda. It's also because I realized that our relationship was based off the fact I had a crush on him. If I hadn't confessed to him, we wouldn't of had any contact at the beginning of school.
He's tired of me, this I believe. It's just his actions, lack of conversation, compassion for me, and one-on-one contact that has told me this. I think I'm going to "runaway" from love. I'm just kinda feed-up with him and myself. And truthfully, I'm also angry at Hunter. I hold no grudge against Patience or Amanda, but Hunter. I hate how I can't understand him and yet I'm an open book to him at times.
So, I'm somewhat breaking our friendship, by doing this, I get a breather and get to see how dedicated Hunter is to me. Which, I highly doubt he really gives much of a damn of me.
I'm just hoping, this friendship breaking will set me straight.
(I also pray for no tears, because have I not claimed to understand that me and Hunter would never happen? Actually, I'm really forcing myself not to cry. Because, I feel that I will crumble if I do. Another broken promise, another defeat, another acceptance of a broken heart.)
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Here We Are, But We're Still Lost
I have spilled my heart on this journal and now I am making it public. I doubt what you will find will interest you much. It's only my battered soul.
Lol, sorry, that was really angst, wasn't it?