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I hate the way people think I like being the way I am, that I like having mental problems that I cant help. My ex-boyfriend cant even imagine what its like for me, only that he could'nt go to sleep. It really hurts me and I think about it all the time. Its not my fault that I make up ways to stay awake because I am terrorfied to go to sleep. Or that I like to destroy stuff when I am in pain. Or that the sight of blood calms me. I know its not "right" or "sane". I know I am insane and not right in the head but people dont have to act like I love being this way and that I can help it. Then he tells me that the reason why I act the way I do is because I have not been punished enough in my past...All my past ever was, was punishments! Sometimes I just wish I was dead, that way it would all be over and that stupid people wouldnt be able to ever hurt me again...