i feel like everyone expects so much out of me, more than i can give.
earlier i was watching gankatsuou, an anime show that i like. anyway, i was right in the middle of a really good part in one of the episodes when my mom called me down to do the dishes. annoyed, i got up off the couch and went downstairs, knowing she wouldn't stop begging me until i did the dishes. so i put all the clean dishes from the dishwasher in their place, and put as many dishes as i could fit into the dishwasher. some of the food that i tried to get out of the drain and into the garbage disposal got stuck in the drain. mom stopped me before i could get any more out. so i moved on to scrubbing the grill thing that dad uses to grill the salmon on. i was having a hard time getting the skin off, so i had to have dad help me. i was really frustrated at this point. i finally got it clean, and i then moved onto the dishes that i couldn't fit into the dishwasher. i cleaned them by hand, with dad's help. he noticed that the water that was going down the drain was backed up, so he had to pull the food out. he asked me why i hadn't gotten it out, and i told him that that was what i was trying to do before mom stopped me. once i cleaned all the dishes, i went back upstairs to watch the rest of gankatsuou. before i could get very far, mom yelled up the stairs at me, saying that i needed to take a shower and go to bed, and in the morning i needed to take another shower before school. so i turned off the t.v. and took a shower.
during the time i was taking a shower, i cried. i couldn't stop crying, no matter how hard i tried. i'm still sniffling as i write this. i don't know what caused it, except i think i might be stressed out. i've been trying to finish my employment portfolio for culinary because we have a competition next month. plus, i'm not sure if i've been eating all that much. i'm eating less in the morning than i used to. mostly it's fruit these days. i had blueberries and some of the hot cocoa i made this morning for breakfast. i don't think my parents know, or if they've even noticed my situation. i feel like i read other people's feelings much faster than others. plus i'm always giving my friends more things than they give me. i don't mind, it's just that it gets to me sometimes.
anyway, i'm gonna go to bed now. good night.
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