Don’t know who reads these things unless you draw attention to them… these are thoughts that still bring pain to me… like my thoughts, it’s all scattered; one thing leading to another….
" I’m not understanding how you are seeing me… you keep sending mixed messages… you tell me that it’s okay for me to lean on you, but when I try, you push me away…. I know we can’t be like we used to, but I thought it was understood to be friends at least… I know we don’t have much to talk about, but it hurts me seeing you treat one person a certain way, then I try to do something similar, you don’t get it… then I ask you and you say that I could… then when I try to the next day, you shove me away……… I don’t understand…. Are you afraid that I’ll be getting my hopes up?….. My heart already feels like a stone, except with the aura of pain that creeps in the cracks every once in a while, sometimes because it’s what you do to hurt me without knowing… but that’s to be expected for me to be still hurting, since I still cared… took about a month for me to really get over it… Was everything you said before, a lie? … Your words or at least your name is repeated everyday in my mind… and each time, I see us growing more and more distant, but I’m not ready to let you off of my life completely… I felt a bond when we first met… all the way till a month ago … just like the care in the very core of my heart… now only the edges shout out, “hey, reach out to this person because I care!”…. I just have a feeling I’m not meeting anyone other person for a couple of years…the reason I’m still reaching out for you is because I don’t know anyone else to…Mom is insensitive and doesn’t understand the needs, dad is gone, Merry is stuck with her world and can easily snap over simple things, then my friends… they are good but they’re all caught up in their own worlds and troubles and I go to them enough as it is over simpler things…
apparently I'm lying to myself when I say I'm completely over...
can I at least see some sign that you still care..."
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