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M'kay, don't anyone readin' this get mad at me. You don't have to look. This is just my spot to express my thoughts.
But I hate my curiosity.
He's told me many things. He told me what he looked like. Asked me if I was disgusted yet. If I was repulsed. And I was incredibly attracted to him. He exposed his dirty little secret to me, and I didn't shun him. Everyone has done things they're not proud of. Why should someone be punished for the past? I didn't even flinch when I told him I didn't care.
But there is something... something he can't tell me. And I can't help but wonder what it is. Will he... is it something that is so horrible that he'll actually want to leave because of it? That's what he said; that the guilt is getting to him. But what could he have to be guilty of? I love him. And I always will. Even if something horrible happens, even if he somehow doesn't love me someday, or if he can't stand to be around me anymore... I'll still love him.
So what is this thing he can't tell me? Does he really not love Nyx and I anymore? Does he... have somebody else? Is there.... I don't even know. Will he have to go away? Are there circumstances set in motion that make it to where he won't be able to stay with us? What is it?
Loki... I love you, no matter what happens. I will always be here, with arms wide open, no matter what it is. I don't want you to feel guilty. I want you to be happy and relaxed and... and damn me for being so selfish, but I want you to have the security of knowing that you can tell me anything and I'll still be here for you. I'll still love you. Every second of every day, the only things in my head are you and Nyx. The only ones I ever need. The only ones I ever want. I... I want you to be happy, and I'm very nosy and curious at the same time.
Nega God damn me. I feel so bad for thinking this way, though. Here I was, telling him that I wouldn't press the issue, and I can't stop myself from thinking stupid thoughts like this... *sniffle* I'm... I'm so selfish...
But... I can't help it. I've accepted everything they've ever told me. Everyone in our family. All of them. I've never pushed anyone away. I've always welcomed them, just how they are. And now... Loki... he might go away because he feels he can't say something to me...
I'm.... afraid... I don't want to lose him...