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okay there are few new things... but first off... screw that story i'm writing i'll finish it when I want to...

now.

The doctor came by and examined my Uncle, and the doctor said that because of the way he looks and because of the symptoms he has... It doesn't look like he's going to make it through the week... I haven't seen him, and to be perfectly honest I don't want to see him...

I know it sounds cruel, but I'm glad he's dying... now he doesn't have to suffer anymore... if you could see him... it takes all my strength not to cry in front of people... the only people that have ever seen my cry because of that is Rebecca, he mom, and my parents...

I hate crying... it makes me feel weak... like I cant even control my emotions... I just want to go home... to Rebecca... to my life...

and another thing is my dad... I finally see him after like a month and i'm with him for all of like 3 hours before he starts cursing at me again... and he seriously wonders why I don't like to spend any of my time with him? wtf...

another reason why I hate spending any time with him is because I know inevitably he will bring up the impending move to L.A. county...

last night he forced me to sit and help him choose a new house to move into... I just sat there and tried not to scream at him and walk out of the house...

He just really doesn't understand that leaving El Centro is to leave my life... to leave my everything... It's because he knows that he has never experienced love like mine and Rebecca's... I know that Marcie hasn't either...

Every time I buy Rebecca something for a holiday my parents always get mad and tell me I should buy her so much, and if you saw the look in their eyes when they say it, you would know that it's because they don't treat eachother like I treat Rebecca...

I know I'm a crappy boyfriend, but the way my dad and my stepmom treat each other makes me look like the most perfect boyfriend in the world... I could never ever fight with Rebecca like that... All I want for her is happiness...

I can imagine my life without her... and it is horribly lonesome and short lived... to make it short... I love her and I quite litterally cant live without her..... and my dad still thinks that it's a shitty little teenage "I like you alot" relationship... he is so wrong... when I leave... i'm crying right now just thinking about it...

I love you Rebecca and i'm going to come back, don't you even doubt that for a fraction of a millisecond... you are my life and there is no point in living it if you're not involved in a most crucial way...

most people who say that they're in love get asked: "how do you see your partner's life turning out in the next 10 years?" most will say that they are married with kids or something like that right? their happy with their life and with their partners and their kids...

when i think of Rebecca in 10 years all I see is her face smiling... i'm not in the picture... no kids... no husband... no anything.... just her smiling no matter what... that's what I want for her: happiness, however she wants it... if she wants kids then suddenly some little figures appear next to her... if she wants to get married then suddenly a tall figure appears next to her. It doesn't even have to be me... I just want her to be happy... she doesn't have to stay with me... if she finds happiness with someone else I would be the biggest supporter of that happiness... I would give up my lot in the love for her to be happy... I would do anything for her...

and even after all that... My dad thinks that it's just some simple little hold hands at lunch relationship...I'm hungry i'm going to go eat some funyuns ... yummy... F**K... I wanna stab somebody .................................................