I gots a dirty little secret. About Kay. And I can't tell her because I'll be in some really deep s**t.
And on top of that, guess what the Mother told me? She said when Kay met me, I made her meadow flourish (apparently, Kay doesn't have a garden. It's a bright meadow.). And since I came along, Kay's meadow flourished and grew, and was beautiful. And apparently, the same happiness I brought, I'm taking away. I'm like a ******** disease. Apparently every little thing I say or do is hurting Kay one way or another, and it deteriorates her meadow. So much that the Mother is thinking of keeping Kay and I apart for good. Or at least a few days, and more than likely a few weeks.
So I'm killing someone who probably means more to me than most other people I know outside the family.
I was supposed to go out jobhunting today. But there's nowhere left to go. So I dressed up nice like I was gonna go out. And then everyone left. So I stayed home and I'm just gonna tell everyone that I went. So don't feel like going.
I'm so worried about Neandr that it's not even funny. And Ganon. They're going to beat themselves up about the Aneirin thing. I know they are. Can't they ******** see that Aneirin made his choice!? He backed off, so they can be ******** happy now! Why the hell are they still sad!? Neandr didn't do anything wrong. She made new memories and didn't remember the old ones. That's like her having amnesia and everything coming back to her in a flash. Does she actually want Aneirin, or does she just not want to hurt him? Does she want to be with Ganon? Ganon loves her and only wants her to be happy, but he wishes that she'd be happy with him. Aneirin loves her and only wants her to be happy, and he's backed away so that Ganon and Neandr can be together. So why the hell can't anyone see that Ganon and Neandr are together and it's time for them to be!?
Oh, and why didn't anyone ******** tell me Neandr had a last name!? Neandr Ysbail. Nobody ******** told me that. Does that mean that Andro and Al'lik have ******** last names too!? Anybody gonna tell me theirs?
And on top of that s**t, we finally found out what's wrong with Mytho. Jared was around long enough to grab Mytho's essence before he was chased off.
Jared
Singer... I'm sorry, let me say that first off. Mytho isn't going to die. But as of right now, I can't think of a way to save him. He's... It's an inner evil. Something inside of him that grew naturally and is contaminating his essence, turning him dark and unnatural. Erasing his happy memories, causing depressions. Angry outburst should follow and then physical violence. Before long he'll have morphed into a different being altogether. It's like cancer almost. I don't know how to save him. But we will, I can promise you that. I'm organizing an army to find my siblings. When we rescue them, our power combined will be almost unstoppable. It will be dangerous to use, but with my Mother's supervision and support from you and Whisperer and the others, we may be able to do it. We may be able to purify his essence again.
That is SOOOOO ******** reassuring.
And not only that, but I can't cry. I physically have to force myself if I want to get out more than five ******** tears. Why the ******** not!? I used to cry all the time. I used to get everything off my chest. Now it's like there's actually something holding everything in, stopping me from crying. I don't want that.
Oh, and great ******** news. Bambi's dying, I think. I don't know the first thing about plants. I can talk to 'em. That's the extent of my knowledge. And his stalks look like plastic, the tips of his leaves are brown, and two of his stalks are dead and rotting. Three, excuse me. I forgot the little one on the side. And he still insists he's fine, which I don't believe. I tried to heal him, but I don't know ANYTHING about ******** healing. I can't even fix a tiny cut. How the ******** do I fix a plant!?
s**t. And now Angel. I dont' even know with him. I love talking to him, but I actually found myself getting bored on the phone with him. I talked to him, and I love doing that. I really do. But I was actually getting bored which almost never happens. I just don't know what to do about that. I mean, I love him. He's my friend. But I hate those ******** thoughts I keep getting, where I keep thinking 'Okay, maybe I've just outgrown him' which makes me sound like a horrible ******** person who can't even care enough to stay with her friends.
And then someone in my guild is being such a punk b***h to everyone else just because he's on his period or some other bullshit. Seriously man, quit bein' such a ******** c**t.
Oh. More of the Mother. Edena. She says that it's a bad thing that the spirits in our family are with me. Becuase it's desensitizing them to their world. How ******** great does that make me feel? I'm desensitizing. I'm bad. I'm pulling people from where they belong. Greeeeaaaat. ******** disease.
Seriously, I can't even stop being a b***h for people I care about. Look at what I'm doing to Kay. What am I supposed to do in response? How do I react to that?
I'm just a ******** b***h. Stupid, childish.
Weak.
Community Member
I understand that so much is going on in your life and you are in a position where you can't do much.
I honestly don't know what to say really and I'm sorry for that.