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hmmmmm last night was wierd for the past month ive been crying myself to sleep (Julia u porbably no y of wut im thinknig..dont mention it) anyway yeah last Night i didnt cry....its rlly strange....

I had a rlly nice dream yesterday well my moms aid next year we could go to San Diego.......WOOT which means cuddlybear..i admit finding him in big sd is gonna be hard but iiiim pretty sure ill get him...fwk if ive gone that far to ENTER the place ill fine a way for sure....no backing down once i enter.....ANYWAY

I jsut had a dream of me and cuddlybear finally meeting the smile on my face the hugging it was nice

I just woke up smiling its also wierd that...i dreamt good last night...usually wella ctually ive been having nightmares also for a month long.

Usually me alone searching...searching for someone...

i found my greatest fear....being alone....

I realized i have very few ppl in my life I Love and want to be with so if thiose ppl leave id be alone...and......in more pain again...

I found the first source of my pain....I realized the reason i changed during the beginning of sixth grade (y i became so STUPID and wierd) was actually a cry for help....i changed that summer b4 jhs CUZ my uncle died that summer...he was like my father...and b4 when i was 8 my grandma died she was the best thing in my lfie as a child and my uncle....i remember the last thnig he said to me...a day b4 his ehart attack he said "Even through death I'll be watching u...dont make a stupid choice in life" he knew he was gonna die the next day i jsut no it

I broke that promise ive been doing stupid things..i admit it...after his death my mind jsut clogged up anbd all the wrong things were right in my mind..now I know its time to change again...i need to.....my healing process is going pretty well...my heart doesnt ache everyday now....when im with cuddlybear i only smile...i think.....i could actually enjoy a little bit of life...i jsut gotta try....and im prepared to try.......ive been prepared....since.....well a long time....now tis time to put that into...action

im writing another story it might be my best one yet...buuuut.....idk if i wanna put it up in the story i aitn mates with James (its a wolf story) so i thought Hey Tommy thinks of himself as a mate lets jsut add him as my mate....hmmmmmm James is a fox in the story thooooough i love the story line i wish i coulda put James as my mate but the story woulda made no sense........ill put it up as soon as i finish....i have no title though....

anywayz if u actually read all that i have something to say

1) DAM U READ THAT?? U HAVE NO LIFE
2) im jk bout one but rlly ty
3) Ill eat O.o
4) im allergic to peanut butter ._.
5) i have a finger that can go all the way back O_O
6) ITS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME
7) O.o OKIE BYE :3