mY dEAR fRIEND
why aRE yOU sAD?
wHAT iS iT tHAT yOU lONG fOR?
hOPE?
cOMFORT?
fROM wHO dO yOU wISH tHIS?
fROM yOUR fAMILY?
fROM yOUR gOD?
fROM aA fRIEND?
fROM tHE oNE yOU lOVE...?
aH, bUT nOT fROM mE
oNCE iI aSK, yOU fLINCH aND sHY aWAY
oNCE iI iNQUIRE--wHY dO yOUR cRY?--yOU sILENCE yOUR tEARS
aND sHUN mE
aM iI nOT, at least, your fRIEND?
wAS i nOT, mANY yEARS aGO, much more?
yOU cANNOT fORGET, cAN yOU?
yOU cOULD nEVER fORGIVE, cOULD yOU...?
bECAUSE iI aBANDONED yOU
yOU wILL nEVER fORGIVE aA sINNER lIKE mE
i sHOULD fORGET yOU aS wELL
aND sMILE to hIDE beHIND aLL tHE lIES wE nOW sHARE
bUT, fOR mE, iT is nOT sO eASY...
iI cANNOT fORGIVE yOU
iI cANNOT lET gO
dID iI aBANDON yOU?
dID iI mURDER yOU?
dID iI hurt yOU?
wAS iT tHAT?
aA lETTER wITH oNLY haLF oF mY heART pOURED iNTO iT
iI sENT iT aT tHE uGERING oF aA mOST pRECIOUS friend
.....aND iI wILL not rEGRET iT.
but...
yOU aND iI aRE nO mORE
wE aRE nOT cLOSE
wE aRE nOT hAPPY
wE aRE nOT "friends"
...wE aRE nOT....
rEALITY hITS hARD, dOn't you think?
iI cRy oNLY for yOU
mY dEAR
aND iI nOW uNDERSTAND tHE dEPTH oF mY aBILITY tO sEE
tHIS fUTURE, oH sO lONELY aND bLEAK
tHE oNLY tHING iI dESIRE mORE tHAN dEATH
wHICH iI dESIRE gREATLY
iS yOU
iI wANT yOU tO only rEMEMBER mE
nOT tHE cOUNTLESS oTHERS
wHO hAVE fORGOTTEN you
aND nOW lIVE hAPPILY--gOD'S gRACE uPON tHEM
iI wISH fOR mORE
tHAN tO bE tHE vERY dEAR fRIEND
oF my vERY dEAR love
iI mISS tHE wONDERFUL sOMEONE iI uSED tO kNOW.
i tRY tO uNDERSTAND tHAT yOU wILL nEVER
eVER
forget tHAT iI "cARED"
aND yOU wILL nEVER kNOW
hOW mUCH iI sTILL do
aND hOW mUCH iI sTILL love you
fOR tHE "us" tHAT wAS lOST
aND tHE mEMORIES tHAT i uNAPPRECIATED
yOU cANNOT sAY yOU hATE mE
fOR yOU aRE tO cruel
aND kind iN tHE sAME bREATH
bREATH oN mE!
aND gIVE mE aA rEASON tO hOPE
tHAT eVERYTHING iI hAVE dONE
aND wILL cONTINUE tO dO
wILL mAKE nO nEVER-mIND tO yOU
iI lOVE yOU, my "friend"
aND mISS yOU sO
bUT iI aM tO bE bANISHED
aND rEMAIN bANISHED
tO tHE wASTLAND iI wAS bORN iNTO
iI wILL aCCEPT rESPONSIBILITY fOR mY aCTIONS
aND rETURN tO tHE cRUEL fORGOTTEN lANDS
wHERE nO oNE sHALL rOAM
aND bECOME tHE eVER-fADING mEMORY
yOU nO lONGER dESIRE tO kNOW
fORGIVE mE
iI aM aA sINNER oF tHE wORST kIND
iI aBANDONED you, love
and you sIMPLY sMILED aND lAUGHed nERVOUSLY
forgive mE
forget mE
iI cANNOT uNDERSTAND mY oWN fEELINGS
aND nEITHER cAN yOU
iI aM a sINNER
bECAUSE iI cANNOT mOVE aWAY
iI aM a sINNER
bECAUSE i never cared to stay.
iI cRY tO gOD aT nIGHT
aSKING wHY iI mUST lIVE
wISHING iI cOULD dIE
aS iI aLWAYS will
tHE dAY yOU wALKED nERVOUSLY iNTO mY lIFE
iI cANNOT fORGET
iI pray that i won't.
iI fear that i will.
mY dEAR fRIEND, iI dESIRE oNLY yOU
fOR ever and always.
iI mUST rEPENT
i must spend an eternity, loving you.
hating you,
longing to live,
knowing i'm already dead.
except for my love for you.
i have nothing else,
no-one else,
only you.
Love me,
hate me,
think of only me
FOrgive me, my sins
for loving you,
hurting you,
longing to possess you.
i'm sorry for hurting you,
i'm not for loving you.
(inspired by my sisters poem)
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