today was an awful day..
my friends dog Jamie and my own dog Koda both attacked a bird..
maybe they wanted to play with it thinking it was a toy or idk..
all i know is this when i saw them i thought they had a toy in their mouths..
then i realized it was a bird for it was flapping..
i ran over to them and was yelling at them "drop it!!" but they wouldnt..
they both thought i was playing with them so they ran off.. chasing them for awhile until finally Koda let go of the bird..
i yelled at all four dogs to "stay back!!"
i went over to the bird and seeing it in that condition was so sad..and heartbreaking..
it was breathing heavy and opening and closing beck but its beck couldnt close all the way..
i started tearing up..calling for my mom to come outside..
for didnt know what to do..she came and said she would get a box for it..
so i gently petted the bird to let it know he/she (not sure which it was) was safe..
my mom came out and i gently laid the bird inside the box..
bringing it into the house to the kitchen..
my mom looked at it but no blood we didnt know if it was hurt or in shock..
but then its breathing stopped..not sure if really dead..for might have faked it to get away..
laid the box outside so if alive would fly off..but an hour later the bird never moved an inch..
the whole time i cried for it..
i buried it in the fornt yard so my friends dogs or mine wouldnt unnury it..
i said softly "rest in peace,im so sorry for this.."
but now im lost..how could life end so fast who could the world be so cruel..
let innocent lives die like they are nothing at all..
its all unfair..and i just dont understand anymore..
this world is awful..where is the good anymore..
i thought i knew what little good was left but now im not certain if there is any lefted..
how scared the bird must have been..i couldnt even really comfort him/her..
for not knowing bird talk..did he think we were going to kill him or did he know we were going to save him..
i dont know..and it hurts not knowing..
im crying over a bird i didnt even know..more then i cried over my cats Smokey or Lizzy..
the only two i have cried this much for was my dog Tanner he was like a father to me..
and the other person was my Aunt Kim though i cried for her in private away from my family's eyes..
losing my faith..used to go to church every sunday but for a long time i havent..
for if God cared why would he let so many good people and animals die young when he let murderers live for many many years..
its unfair and not right..
i just dont understand anymore..
part of my wishes to just end for this world is horrible..im losing the goodness in life now..
for all i see is death..death is around me all the time now it seems..
lost so many who else will i lose..
who knows..im just tired..tired of the pain..
and now everytime i see my dog and my friends dog i will see the bird and his death..
poor bird..he or she didnt deserve that..
what is the point of life..?
does anyone even know anymore.. for i dont..
if someone actually reads this and knows the reason to live..can you please tell me..
writer's note:
ok so everything i said happened and i really feel this way..this is my first true journal entry for my others are just feelings in a poem type thing..i dont anyone will read this anyways..but i needed to honor the birds death by writing him or her something..
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vampiregirl_night_13
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