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This has got to stop. It has been two life times and I am still the same, same look, same attitude, same everything. The ones that cursed me have done died by time itself, I was not able to get to them in time so I am stuck in this body forever. How The Fates and gods are cruel. Have I not been faithful to them? Have I not paid my tribute to them full of love? Why do they condemn me so? I do not care if I go to the worst place of all, anything was better then the here and now. As it was people has came and left me, not like they were really close, but I did see some be born, grow up, and die at a ripe old age. It bothered me, once a child caught on and ask me about this. I answered him truthfully “It does bother me, I do not know what I did to deserve this punishment, nor how to rectify whatever it was so I could find my peace. Whatever it maybe." I watched him grow old, have a family, and die. I vowed never to get close to anyone again as that was almost as bad as loosing my family. I cannot take much more of this.

Every day the rain comes, why? Maybe not long or hard, but every day at least once. This is not normal. I scream at it as it pelts me and beats me worse then any Nine Tails could. It beats me with the memories. In fact I don’t even go outside on heavy rains anymore. It haunts me as I can almost hear the screams of my fallen loved ones, it just the horrific memories of that day, I know but it is still too much to bare. I hate it when it starts raining heavily while I slumber, the dreams, oh the horrible dreams. Their faces come to haunt me, covered in blood dying over and over again calling for help. I always startle awake, sitting up fast screaming, crying, praying for death. WHO DID THIS TO ME! I do not know but I hope they have their peace knowing I do not have my own. Getting up and stoking the large fire in the even larger fireplace I wonder when the city will figure out the names on the check are still my own from over a hundred years ago? It pulls the side of my mouth up slightly as I can’t help but find it humorous that no one has caught on. Or maybe that is the blessing part of this hell, you will not be hounded on your longevity. Whatever the case, the fire warms my cold sweaty face as I calm from my nightmares.

The horrors get worse as I had family stop by, why would they look me up? Why did they have to find me? Blasted internet and finding people easy. I will need to pay someone to erase my from it forever, but how? As it is I entertain them with every lie I could muster up trying to not cry as I see my sibling completely in one of them. Every time I look in their face, I see that day and it twisted in pain. I see it dying over and over till I cannot take it anymore. Clutching my chest over my heart I beg, no I command them to leave my sight and never return again. I have to run them out as they want to help there family member, my god the face, the movement, the concern in the voice, identical. I scream at the face of the mimicker, but I scream the wrong name as I call it a façade, turning my back while I point at the door unable to look even once more on my dear sibling’s face. If I did, I have no idea what I would do. Tell the truth? Kill the pain and my relative? I do not know but I simply must stay away from them for good.

I am all but driven from my sanctuary as more and more of my family comes to visit me. Especially that face. I am about to cut it off and keep it hidden away in a jar so I can hold the jar so I can scream and cry over and over. Hugging the jar as if it was an arm or something just so I may get some sort of sick twisted peace, but I doubt I could do it in the beginning. It if was such a perfect façade, could I really kill it? I think not. I stand alone in the dark with a large knife in my hand, I can’t do this. I’m done playing games of trying to figure out what the hell is going. Taking the knife and ignoring the immense pain that is sweeping over me, ignoring the one reactor in my brain screaming me to stop and that I was in pain and to balk away from it, I dig the knife in the left side of my neck as far as I can. Once it was practically to the hilt I slowly drag it to the right and out the side. Falling to the ground, dropping the knife, I cough the best I could as really there was no way I really could. Blood poured everywhere, sweet death, I see you coming to take me home, I embrace you, I love you.

Then in my darkest hour I see it slipping away, my eyes are dilated, they are dead but in my head I’m screaming as the rain is pouring harder then ever before. It was angry with me it seemed like, but I did not mind nor cared. My sweet redemption was leaving me, why? Little did I know the blood was pouring in me not out of me anymore. The wound was healing from right to left, closing without one single scar. The knife was clean when my eyes came to, it was like none of it had happened but I knew it had, right? It did happen right? The memory seemed to fade as thunder crashed so loudly outside that the damned cars went off, screaming their warnings to everyone that someone, who should be, is bothering them. I blinked then there was a blinding flash of lightning, darkness then another flash, but there was a figure there. I could only ask one pathetic word ‘Death?’ was all that came out. I was still begging for it, still holding onto hope that it would come and take me away. But just as quickly as the figure was there, the next flash of lightning it was gone. I just shut my eyes and started crying as my one redeemer even turned it’s back on me. Rolling over I just cried myself to sleep in a fetal position.

I finally posted signs to stay out and got vicious dogs as I just stayed in, I had to stay away from my family, they reminded me of my dearest sibling, the one that was always there for me and for some reason threw themself in front of me when I was about to be killed. I wasn’t asking for it, I just was not as good as my opponent. However when I saw a lifeless body fell something happened, I do not know what, but when I woke, no one was alive save one. Me. Did I do this myself? Why would I do this? To avenge my family and friends? My loved ones? Hopefully I wouldn’t be that dramatic and naive right? Right now I wouldn’t put it past me. Yet I just learned that if it was me that did it, I couldn’t kill the person that put this damned curse on me. I already tried, unless I was supposed to remember then kill myself. Trust me this won’t be the only attempt on my life by my own hand. I will have my death, one way or another.