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"Armpit Stubble!? O.o"

A "serious" excerpt of classifications of horrible kinds of body hair.

1) The Irish Werewolf:
This unfortunate soul not only has hair so thick that he could drop five pounds simply by shaving his buttocks, said hair is also flaming red. He typically grows a 5:00 shadow by noon, sports a goatee by morning, and can grow a full beard within a week.

2) Armpit Stubble:
That stage in shaving one's armpit when new hair is too short to NEED to shave, yet too long to be revealed in public. A pathological fear of raising one's arms above their head often accompanies this condition, and tends to cause armpit shaving within one (or two, if the subject is a gamer) days.

3) Nose Braids:
A silly condition observed among some gentlemen (and others) who tend not to have excess body hair of other types. Some older gentlemen sometimes experience receding hairlines even as that hair migrates to the nose (and ears). However humorous the thought may be, braiding this hair is not usually considered socially acceptable. ...But attaching green beads and hair extensions can be hilarious.

4) Hand and Foot "Lace":
Hair so thick on the hands and feet, that it looks like the bearer wears lace gloves when wearing long pants or long sleeved shirts. If countered by shaving and trimming, the condition often grows worse, to one known as "Hand and foot fur lining". An unsightly thing at polite gatherings, it is an interesting ice breaker at college parties.

Be educated, and be warned!