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Something sad- fanfic
A/N: Okay...so, I've been wanting to write something sad for some time now, but I have no inspiration. sad So, since my boredom does wonders, I have decided to write a quick little sad fanfic.
Don't kill me.
WARNINGS: Yaoi....And MarVex. So, LOTS of sexual content. And death in a rather violent way. -_-
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What I hate worse then an experiment blowing up in my face is a failed experiment blowing up in my face.
Another one to add to the books...
I sighed and set down the glass beaker onto the cold lab table top. Failure...I'm such a failure. Nothing I do is ever right, as I never seem to get the right outcome for my experiments. I plain them out, every single little scenario; but in the end something always goes wrong! ALWAYS GOES WRONG! And even when I do something right, all I get is scorn from the Superior. For all he tells me is, "IV, this is entirely useless. Come back to me when you have something worth looking at."
'Worth looking at' he said? I never have anything worth looking at...
Heat boiled in the dark hole where my heart once was, fueling my normally cold body with a burning rage that reminded me of Axel when he summoned his chakrams. With an angry cry I cleared the sliver metal table top, pushing the fragile glass beakers and test tubes onto the floor where they shattered. The shards of glass scattered, reflecting the little light in the lab like ice as they settled on the floor within close distance of where the item it belonged to originally fell. Papers, papers about my failed experiments, littered the floor as well; soaking up whatever left over liquid was left inside of the glass tools before they broke.
I didn't care. Let everything I have ever created be shattered and broke. Let others drown these failed words until the ink is nothing more then fading black splotches. Let everything I have done right be lost inside the vast world of misgivings and under-appreciation. I don't care. I can't care. I don't want to care....
I didn't realize the tears steaming down my face until my long blond hair started sticking to my face, annoying held by the water like two sided tape.
Hanging my head lower, I buried myself in my arms, sobbing onto the cold table. I was angry. I was angry at myself, for I was also pitying myself.
No, I was too proud to act like a child this way. Crying was a weakness...And when you are a Nobody, your only weakness is your lack of one.
The lack of the most basic thing to humanity.
My fists clenched as I became even more furious. Why now? Why? WhywhywhyWHY?!?
"Vexen...?"
My head snapped up at the sound of the deeply monotoned voice. Oh god, not him. Of all people why him. I bit my lip to the point where I could taste the bitter copper in my mouth.
You see, there are only a few people who cloud possibly make me feel more like the good-for-nothing I know I am. The first being Xemnas, for obvious reasons; the second being Saix, who seemed to like making everyone feel lower them him; the third being Axel, who I hated with every fiber of my being and last but not least, Marluxia.
For reasons such as his love of wronging me, his love of ordering me around, and his love of wishing with everything he was that he could feel something more for me then just hate.
I know because I wish for the same thing.
"What do you want XI?" I asked through my teeth, looking away so that he won't see my tear stained face. He would mock me if he knew that I had been crying....
"Well, I was hoping to borrow some of your-" The pinkett stopped mid-sentence and gasped. I could had laughed, and I did chuckle darkly to myself, so he must have noticed the mess. "Vexen...what in Kingdom Hearts's name happened?" I heard him edge closer, but I still didn't look up. I still didn't want him to see...
"Nothing," I said sourly, my voice holding no emotion. If only I realized how bad I was shaking, maybe I could have stopped it before he noticed.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and winced violently. Why was he touching me. He shouldn't touch me. Someone like him shouldn't come to close to a failure like me. I felt the warm leather of the gloves he wore under my chin as he pulled my face up to look at him. His face was expressionless, but oh so beautiful. His stoic beauty made him the most attractive one in the organization, but the reason why he dogged me so much I'll never know. He could have chosen someone better then a loser like me. Yes....a loser. A horribly childish name, but true all the same.
I met his gaze dead on, for I was too proud to keep my eyes downcast to this man.
The man frowned, his eyes examining my face carefully. I knew what he saw; red rimmed eyed with dark shadows underneath, sunken in cheeks that were chalky and white with watermarks, and angry green eyes. I was angry at myself for letting him see me like this... "Your face tells a different story," Marluxia said, gently pushing away some of the hair from my face.
I jumped back and slapped his hand away. "Don't touch me!" I cried, standing and backing away from the shocked looking pinkett.
A fake emotion. All we had were fake emotions.
"Vexen...what happened? Why are you acting like this?" The man said, staring at me with those deep blue eyes of his. I looked away, not wanting them to stare at me as if I've just suddenly grew three heads and then cut one off using a butter knife. I didn't need that look....not from him. Not from anyone of the idiots who kicked me when I'm down. My fists clenched and I stared at one of the remains of a glass test tube.
"Like you would want to know, Marluxia." I growled back at him.
He took a graceful few steps closer, trying not to step on the pieces of class with his shiny black boots on.
Well sorry if I ruin them....not.
"I do want to know! Don't assume things like that, you'll hurt peoples feelings..."
"Feelings?! No one here has feelings in case you haven't noticed, Marluxia!" I laughed bitterly, throwing out my arms to show that by 'here' I meant The World That Never Was. "Feelings and stupid things that hold us back! We should be grateful that we don't have hearts! Less disappointment..." A shadow of a mocking smile slipped on my face.
I was slowly beginning to snap.
Marluxia's stared at me as if I just chopped off one of my three heads again, this time with a spoon. "W-what?"
I growled. Why was he asking me?! I'm just a screw up that's been appointed as the Organization's scientist! I don't have ALL that answers. "You heard me."
The pinkett shook his head, "No....your wrong..."
"Am I?!" I laughed bitterly and looked at him for the first time. I saw him winced under my gaze..... but at the moment I truly didn't care. "What do you lack, XI?!? What do I lack?! What do we ALL lack?!" Another large hand gesture to signify the rest of the Nobodys out there. "Feelings take more then they give. Hurt, anger, sadness, pain, hate! And what do they have to cancel it out? Joy and happiness! It seems unfair, don't you think?!" By this time, I was yelling at him. Shoving my thoughts about such things down his throat as if I wish to choke him.
In his eyes I saw that last head go, cut down by a nail file. "What about love?" He asked softly, edging closer to me. I glared at him, my bright green eyes telling him to stay back.
"An illusion. A break in the human heart that gives people a reason to hurt another," I spat back, lowering my arms and looking away.
"Vexen..." Marluxia whispered, for he was close enough to do so. "You don't really think that, do you?"
I couldn't answer. The ice inside of me was melting into lava.
"Vexen...answer me! You can't mean that!" Placing a hand on my cheek, he turned my reluctant face to his, catching my lips in a kiss...
I snapped.
In a matter of blind seconds a few things happen....One, I pulled away from the kiss (a thing which I don't do often); two, I slapped him across the cheek with such a raging force even I didn't even know that I had it in me and three, he fell back and tripped over my chair which fell onto the glass along with him. However, he made no sound, for he was too much in shock to care about being hurt.
The look he gave me made it seem as though I just tore myself in two in front of him using my bare hands. The look I returned was a glare.
Why him? Why now? Why a screw up like me? He shouldn't touch me, he shouldn't look at me. He shouldn't even say my name...
"Don't ******** touch me," I snarled like an animal. All sanity I had was gone, and I all I wanted was for him to leave me with my failures... Alone. Like I was always meant to be. Like anyone who can't do anything right. They were vermin, meant to be ignored by such beautiful and perfect people like Marluxia.
The pinkett stared at me with wide eyes, his hand lazily came up to his cheek where a large hand print, my hand print, blemished his perfectly pale skin with blazing pink.
On his lips I though I saw a drop of red staining them.
But all he did was stare at me with those endless blue eyes of his, trying to find a way into my soul... The soul of the likes of me is shameful, so I turned around with my back to him. My hands were shaking. "Get out. Never come in here again. I'm a failure, XI. I can't do anything right. Get out while you still can or I'll mess you up too," I have never heard my voice so cold before...like a knife made of ice. For I was ice. Because frozen water takes more then it gives. Like me.
Was he still here? I didn't hear the door, but when I turned around he was surely gone. As if he wasn't there at all.....
0-o-0~0-o-0
A few hours later~
You never could tell day from night in The World That Never Was. You simply went to sleep when Saix said it was time for the day to end, and then wake up the next day by some random Nobody that the Superior sent out if your internal alarm clock didn't go off. Anyway, I knew for a fact that when I woke up from my slumber that it wasn't because it was time for yet another day of running around different worlds looking for hearts, but because something was wrong.
Horribly, horribly wrong.
I climbed out of bed and quickly threw on the closest coat within reach before stepping out of my room and into the gray hallway that held all the Superior's bedrooms. What was going on? I could hear the quiet breathing coming out of each of the doors as I passed them, wondering about the strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. The quiet didn't help either, for it made the castle all the more eerie and forbidding.
Like the calm before the storm...
I knew that if I had a heart, the pulse would have quickened by now.
However, I did not have one; and yet I still felt some sort of a free.
What was going on? What was wrong?
My feet led me down to the lower levels of the castle, leading me to the only place that would be here among the unused and cold rooms. I always felt better when my labs were situated in the lower levels, where it was cooler and darker. To any person, it would somewhat remind them of a tomb or a morgue. But for me, it reminded me of home.
A sick corpse like home more then six feet underground.
But why exactly I found myself rushing down the never ending steps towards it, I didn't understand.
After my fight with Marluxia, and after I regained my composure and sanity, I realized what I had just done to this man. This person I felt so many feeling towards, even if most of them were of hatred and lust, I'd hurt. I had hit him. I had taken all his beliefs on what it's like to have a heart and thrown it on the floor, stepping on it until it was nothing more then a pile of muck.
But worst of all, if we had hearts, I'd broken his.
A few minutes of staring at the place where the pinkett had fell after I had hit him made me realize all this. For the most part, it sickened me and made my stomach churn with distaste. Why did I have to lose it?! This was move someone as childish as Saix would pull, not me! I'd hurt him....and it was all my fault! Despair had fallen over me, not anger like the last time. After another few minutes of staring at that spot, I left the lab to retire to my room. I never bothered with cleaning up the glass shards and ruined paper.
I didn't have the heart, so to speak.
As I reached the last step of the the stairwell, I noticed that the door to the lab was open and a small light was shining in the far right corner of the opening. The funny thing, or rather the thing that sent a cold chill down my spine, was that fact that I thought I had closed that door and turned all the lights off before I left it...
To say I had an uneasy feeling about this would be an understatement.
To say that I felt as if a bomb were to explode inside my lab the minute I stepped through the door would be a bit closer to the truth.
I entered the room cautiously, lightening my footsteps and slowing my breath to make my entrance completely soundless. The room looked exactly the same as when I had left it. Glass and papers on the floor, but other then that spotless.
However, before I released my sigh of relief, I spotted pink.
A head of pink hair to be exact.
I gasped and took a step closer to the wall, reaching blindly towards it to steady myself. The shock was just too great.
Marluxia was on his knees, surrounded by the broken glass shards with his head lowered in a saddened state. But that was not what had shocked me, for he had somehow heard my quiet entrance and had turned around to look at me. His beautiful blue eyes.... They looked empty and lifeless.
My breathing just about stopped when I noticed the blood on his hands, as well as the blood that mixed with the glass around him. Where was all of it....coming from?!
The pinkett slowly turned his body to face me, his gaze never leaving my own...
"Vexen...."
Everything stopped. My insides froze and my eyes grew wide as I gaged on my breath at the sight of his front.
His coat was unzipped to show the bare pale skin of his chest, but the creamy flesh was covered in thick blood...
It all came from the jagged edged hole located over his heart, but there was no blood pumping organ in the middle of the opening inbetween his pecks. Just a large, black hole that oozed the horrible red color.
"Where is it?" He asked in a quiet voice.
"M-Marluxia...." The name scratched the inside of my throat.
"Where is it?" He asked again, slowly rising to his feet.
"I-I-I don't k-know...." I whispered, feeling my jade eyes start to water.
"Where is it?" His tone took a more demanding tone. He crossed the space between us, and the closer he got, the more I realized how the hole in his chest came to be.
Finger nails were stuck in raw and open flesh around the wound. For he had clawed open his own chest with nothing more but his bare hands.
I felt myself growing sick...
"WHERE IS IT?" At this point we were face to face with nothing but inches apart from each other. His marred hand grabbed my weak wrists and pinned them over my head so that I couldn't escaped. Sadly, I couldn't even have escaped if I wanted to. I was too much in shock. His face leaned closer to mine so that our noses were touching, his eyes both lifeless but burning with rage. His breath smelled of copper.
"I-I-I don't know!" I cried, feeling so small compared to this man.
Marluxia smirked in the most evil of ways. "I don't believe you," he breathed menacingly as adjusted his face to capture my lips.
He tasted of blood. Copper and iron mixed together in a form of liquid life filled my sense of taste as he thrust his tongue into my mouth forcefully. For the first time, I felt disgusted when kissing him. He...didn't taste like the sweet strawberries and mint of which I had grown to love the taste of. No, not even under all the blood that clouded my senses could I find that sweet taste.
This can't be Marluxia. He may be an angelic gargoyle, fierce but beautiful beyond belief, but Marluxia always had a more human side to him then most of the other Organization members did. He had belief in the heart for pure reasons, not like the others who sought them for power like Xemnas and the other superiors. Marluxia wanted one for feelings, and because of that he had a hidden gentle side to him. A side that he only showed to myself besides the flirting and sexual harassment he showed to everyone but mostly me.
This wasn't Marluxia for one reason and one reason only. The look in his eyes showed nothing but sick satisfaction.
Just like Xemnas, the most heartless of them all.
Just like that, I snapped out of my shock and started fighting back against the invading mouth and the binding hands. "Nuuuuuuhhhhh!" I cried into his mouth, biting his tongue in a desperate attempt to get him away from me.
Growling, the pinkett moved my hands so that this time he was restraining me by holding both of my wrists with one hand high above my head insted of with both his hands like he once was. He raised his now free hand and brought it across my left cheek, causing me to cry out as the blow caused a stinging sensation to go throughout my body, but mostly to my face. It hurt dammit. He smirked at the now red skin of my cheek, enjoying the look of pain that flashed in my eyes. It was sick, the way he looked at me.
Marluxia caressed my stinging cheek, making me bite my lip to keep from the hiss of pain I wanted to let out. You deserve it, a part of me was saying. You'd hit him already. He leaned his mouth near my ear, using the hand that was ghosting over my cheek to hold my face still. "See?" He whispered, his teeth grazing my lobe. "Hows does it feel to be shamed like that?" He bit down on my ear until I let out a small cry of pain. I deserve this. I deserve this.
I felt blood: blood dripping from the bite to my ear, blood dripping from his marred hands onto the top of my head where it blended into my blond locks, blood from the inside of my mouth where I could taste both mine and what was left of his, and lastly from his chest that was pressed against mine and left me no space to breath.
It felt so surreal.
All the the blood made me dizzy. My thoughts were fuzzy as if I were spining or drunk, and every last bit of the stranth I just had was fadeing, and fast. I wanted to get out of this situation...but that sick part of me that still somehow felt guilt even when I thought I had left that emotion far behind, that part of me wanted to stay and take everything that was given to me.
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Kenneth un