I don't know if I should put this here or not ... Oh well. Here goes.
My mother may or may not be dying.
I didn't find out she had a heart attack until a couple days afterwards, and that was a few weeks ago. But it's just sinking in now, she may go away for good soon. She doesn't think she'll make it to my brother's high school grad this week, and she's on oxygen all the time. Congestive heart and lung failure, I think is what she said ... Anyway, I'm scared. Sure I haven't seen or talked to her in how many years now, but I still love her. I'd still miss her if she died. I don't know what to do ...
This on top of school crap ... I just ... I really want to move out fast. I can't talk to anyone at home about this, because I don't believe in their afterlife concept. I don't know what I believe anymore, but I know I don't believe in an afterlife, and they'd just tell me that I'd see her again in the spirit world once I've died. I just ... I don't want to hear it, to be honest. It's not a comfort. It makes me frustrated that I don't have anything to cling to like that, and I can't make myself believe in something like that.
God, I just want to cry right now ...
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Tii Len
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